Author: Go Jules Go

I heard you like to laugh. At my expense. Sounds like you're ready to take our friendship to the next level. You won't be disappointed. I swear on teeny, tiny baby chipmunks.
Uncategorized

This One’s A Real Gas

Go Jules Go
Photo courtesy of: blogs.seattleweekly.com

I should be talking about how I finally saw “Water for Elephants” this weekend, and thoroughly enjoyed it, but the real guilty pleasure in that was the overstuffed, leather, reclining seats at one of AMC’s new dine-in theaters, which are starting to overtake the Garden State.  Sure, you need a bib since you can’t sit up straight or see what you’re eating,  but that might be just as well after you’ve snuck in a ‘water’ bottle or two.

But I have so many other things to tell you about. Like what happened yesterday.

I normally make a habit of avoiding eye contact when I go to the gas station (yes, in New Jersey we are still not trusted to pump our own gas), but ever since they swindled me into paying for premium a couple of weeks ago, I now look the attendants squarely in the gourd and wait for them to confirm my, “Fill it regular, please.”

Yesterday, after I said that, the middle-aged, hairy attendant simply took my credit card and replied in a thick accent, “Too much clothes” before walking away.

My knee-jerk reaction was to leap out of the car Jersey Shore-style, snapping my fingers in the air and screaming, “Excuse me? Oh no you didn’t!!” while I pulled out his beard extensions. At nearly $4 a gallon, was I also now paying an even bigger price? Was I now selling my dignity at the neighborhood pump?

A couple of seconds later, however, I saw the blinding humor in it and sat there laughing and singing along to my Warblers CD. I mean, you had to give it to the guy. He clearly wasn’t playing games. If he were a serial killer, it would have been a straightforward, “Too much breathing,” before he turned my skin into a kilt.

The ironic thing is that I’m starting to feel guilty for thinking this is funny. What do you think? Vote now!

Guilty Flavor of the Week, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

GOGP’s Guilty Flavor of the Week – Week 5!!

Go Jules Go

This week’s GOGP Flavor of the Week is not even going to mess around. Except to say that:

It’s way awesomer than those restroom hand dryers that are so strong they blow your skin around your knuckles in a super-creepy way!

It is unbelievably keener than when your dog gives your knee a lick of thanks every time you give him food or water!!

And, this is going to be hard to imagine, but I promise you that it is mind-frenchingly cooler than when you found out the only difference between your DNA and chimpanzees’ is a mere 2%!!!

THIS week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…

Glee’s little Dancing Queen! Go Kurt!


I’m totally not kidding! This week’s Glee prom episode was amazing!

The REAL Guilty Flavor of the Week award is also bestowed upon the ever-glorious Glee’s prom episode:

For using the word MERKIN! It is so not just for family Scategories anymore!!

P.S. – You’re welcome for the stellar ‘documentary-style’ footage.

Guilty Flavor of the Week, Lists, Uncategorized

A NOTE-worthy Guilty Pleasure

Go Jules Go

There’s nothing better than a guilty pleasure born of what shouldn’t be funny, but in fact soooo is! I have 3 notes to share with you, and the best part is they’re all real. As in, I’ve seen them with my own two beady little eyes just this past week!

#1 – Dangerous Mind

My husband has been helping out a new fellow teacher at work, whose taste in memo pads makes a little piece of him die inside. Last week, he left her an ‘inspirational’ note, quoting one of her many memo pads. Just to see if she would notice. She didn’t. She now operates under the very false assumption that my husband is a dream-weaver, and, well, I really can’t think of anything better.

#2 – The Backed-Up Boy Who Lived

Spotted this weekend outside of our local Wal-Mart, there’s no way this can be considered vandalism.

#3 – Neighborly Love Hate

A dear (the dearest) friend of mine often receives notes like this from her neighbor, which is something to consider if you’re thinking about moving into a gated community. This note is one of many from Unit 12 and will be filed with the rest – under Trashy Fiction.

Booze, Guilty Flavor of the Week, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

GOGP’s Guilty Flavor of the Week – Week 4!!!

Go Jules Go

Oh my, guilty pleasure pumpkins, you want MORE this week? Kate and William put on a magnificent hat show, I mean, got married, and we slayed bin Laden and threw his corpse into the ocean! Well okay, I know, like me, you’ll never be satisfied, so here we go…

GOGP‘s Guilty Flavor of the Week is coming to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!

It’s like the time you got Famous Amos cookies from the vending machine at work and TWO packages fell out!!

It’s so much awesomer than the moment you realized you were old enough to start swearing without getting in trouble!!!

And it’s so, so much better than winning the lottery, blowing it all on fast cars and gambling while extended family members crawl out of the woodwork asking why you don’t love them enough to pay off their debt!!!!

This week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week award goes to…

HOARDING the best Easter basket filler ever:

…just kidding (not really at all).

This week’s REAL Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…

The Daily Show’s May 2nd Moment of Zen! Wrong but oh-so-right, like any true guilty pleasure:

OR CLICK HERE: http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-may-2-2011/moment-of-zen—we-just-killed-bin-laden

Music, Uncategorized

How to Succeed in Theater-Going by Really, Really Trying

Go Jules Go

I try. I really, really try to get into theater. But unless you’re naked, John Leguizamo or The Little Mermaid, I’m just not interested. For the first ten minutes I always think, “This is amazing.” About halfway through the first act, though, I find myself day-dreaming about “Scrubs” and Swedish fish, neither of which I actually like. Despite my penchant for shows about glee clubs, I stand with the large majority who feel it’s completely unnatural to break out in song at the deli or in math class.

Some people are really into it. They see every Broadway show there is, and must be of very tiny stature and unlimited means in order to truly enjoy this.

I’m not one of those people, in any way.

Nevertheless, I was thrilled to receive tickets to Daniel Radcliffe‘s new play for my birthday, “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” Hirschfeld Theater isn’t very big, so from the second row of the balcony I had no trouble enjoying a decidedly clothed Radcliffe (side note: I was able to convince my husband that Radcliffe shows his toosh in this one).

I wasn’t familiar with the play, but could appreciate the gross generalizations of a company too large for its own good, producing a product (wickets?) that no one really understands. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but the play is about how to succeed in business without really trying. 

If you haven’t seen the commercials, turns out Radcliffe can do more than just strip down – he can really shake that money maker! And sing! He had one of the strongest voices in the cast, and though this time he was dwarfed by John Larroquette instead of man-beasts, it was only in physical size, not talent. He received a full standing ovation and the loudest cheers, though to my great disappointment, no one shouted, “You’re a wizard, Harry!” as I’d heard happened in a previous matinée performance.

I’m very glad I saw the play, but my theater-mate, Babs, and I both agreed it was no “Equus.” We have bruises on our knees from the seats in front of us, and Babs got food poisoning, but I remembered to pack flip-flops this time, for the inevitable 14-block race back to Penn Station to catch the train home (we made it). I’m learning.

TV Junkie, Uncategorized

M-Tee-V’s “My Life as Liz”

Go Jules Go

I love MTV’s “My Life as Liz,” and here’s why. They make being uncool cool again. Now, I’m not into Star Wars and comic books like Liz and her nerd herd, but you won’t ever hear me saying I’m too cool for Twilight. Or Maroon 5.

I also like the show just because I like to see what t-shirt Liz is going to wear next. In the transition shots, she wears a red and black Fangtasia shirt. Nice. Her will-they-won’t-they boy “friend,” Bryson, sometimes wears a “Legalize Gay” shirt. Dig it.

There is, too, Liz’s hot-ass new love interest, Louis, that keeps me tuning in. He sings and plays the guitar, and you must know by now how I feel about that (wait, singing on MTV? What is this, the 80s?).

Liz has got some singing chops herself, which she FINALLY busted out again on this week’s episode (ironically, at an 80’s club). You can watch the full episode here (skip to minute 17:30 to get to her performance with Louis).

While I am eternally grateful that they made it to season 2, I wonder how much longer they can keep this going. As it is, after commercials, there’s only 20 minutes worth of show a week. And that’s the only reason I think this might be [kinda, sorta, maybe] based on Liz’s actual life. In 28 years and 363 days, I’m pretty sure I only have enough ‘interesting life occurrences’ for two episodes. Two and a half, if you count the time I almost died.

Chipmunks Forever, Guilty Flavor of the Week, Uncategorized

GOGP’s Guilty Flavor of the Week – Week 3!!

Go Jules Go
I love this picture because I love chipmunks and I love Dunkaroos. (Photo courtesy of: farm1.static.flickr.com)

Wow, my guilty pleasure boopies, is it already that time again?

Herrrreeeeee comes your Guilty Flavor of the Week!!

It’s like the time you thought you dropped your bag of popcorn at the movies, but it landed on the floor without spilling!!

It’s every bit as nifty as the first time you tried Dunkaroos!!!

And it makes all of your wishes and dreams pale in comparison!!!!

This week’s renowned Guilty Flavor of Week award goes to:

COMPLAINING! Isn’t it great when you can torture your co-workers with another rant on gas prices and the lines at Panera!?!

(…just kidding…kinda.)

This week’s REAL Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…

DANNY RADCLIFFE’S STAND-UP COMEDY!!! Coming soon to a town near you!!

Kvetching, Uncategorized

Tersely Yours, Lazy McCantBeBothered

Go Jules Go

Forget texts, forget Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, IM…I have no expectations when it comes to your social media well wishes, but giving me a real card with nothing but your name written inside? Why bother! Sure, the dog dressed as a rabbit on the front might scream “Julie!”, but you know what else it screams? L-A-Z-Y. Just because you spent time and money seeking out and purchasing that card doesn’t mean you can let it do all the work for you.

The ultimate example is holiday greetings with the family name STAMPED on the inside: “Happy Holidays. The Jones Family.” Are you serious, Jones Family? You killed a tree and I risked getting a paper cut for that? It’s the card that says, “You are an obligation. Merry Christmas!”

This obligation theory applies to any type of card, but especially thank you cards. Oh, you like the gift and thoughtful card I composed for you? Well your sloppily scrawled, “Thank you for the blankety blank and blank. I really like using my new blank blank blank. Love, Boring Betty” makes me wish I didn’t get you anything at all.

Remember when your parents used to say, “Don’t buy me a gift, make me something instead”? They had the right idea. You grumbled and groaned, but when Mother’s/Father’s Day rolled around, you learned that you were capable of making some pretty sweet friendship bracelets.

An exceptional thank you card, in just a few short sentences.

My point is, even craftng a crappy card is better than buying a card and writing nothing inside. And believe me when I say getting no card is better than receiving a cop-out card. Your empty (i.e., soulless) cards go right in the blue bin, but anything more I will treasure forever.

There are other perks to taking a minute or two when you open that Hallmark gem, pen at the ready. You will be the envy of friends and family alike if you take the time to think of something touching or cute to add. It doesn’t take much. A simple, “I’ll always be younger than you” does the trick in a birthday card pinch. Even if you’re not artistically inclined [like me], you luck out in greeting cards, because stick figures are almost always hilarious.

Still don’t know what to write? Try one of these:

Write anything in big block letters.

Draw a stick figure in a hat appropriate for the occasion.

Write “That’s What She Said” or “Preach” after whatever’s already inside the card.

Draw the one thing you were always good at doodling during 7th grade algebra (Mickey Mouse? Trees? Peace signs? Mrs. Jonathan Taylor Thomas inside a heart?).

One word [that speaks a thousand]: Stickers!

Tell them about the effort you went to to find that perfect card.

Give it a try and don’t over think it. I believe in you. And I’ll be sure to tell you in a future post how you’re doing.