Someone who is unbelievably perfect; ruins your image on how most people are; makes you believe that most people are unworthy because there is someone like him/her around.
I’d like to expand this definition to include more than just perfect people, but the perfect, and perfectly imperfect, things people put on tape. You know, those things you get from Web Soup-y, Tosh.0-tastic clips. Life ruiners because, well, how can we be expected to do anything productive when we have these to see? Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch this.
My darling husband would like to submit this commercial, which he legitimately just saw on television this morning (is this the price we pay for living in western New Jersey? Or the reward?), for your guilty pleasure consideration, particularly, the last 5 seconds.
Hint: it gets funnier the more times you watch it.
Well, I want to, I really, really do. I mean, come on. Nothing says guilty pleasure like a 29-year-old staying up way past her bedtime -not to mention sitting through full, MTV-length commercials- to watch the cast of Jackass don laser boners.
Master Thespians
But I fear I’m becoming too predictable. So, without further ado, I present to you:
Mini Warbler! This kid even got Darren Criss‘s attention via Twitter! (All right, all right. This was pretty predictable. I can’t help myself.)
And click here to check out a hilarious clip of the Gleeks hanging out backstage on the “Glee Live” tour. One week and two days ’til they come to Jersey! Is anyone going to see Darren Criss perform solo at Irving Plaza on June 15th???
Teeny tiny guilty pleasure nubbins, it’s been a while -too long, I know, I hear your desperate cries- since I’ve posted, so I thought: what better way to make it up to you than to share some of the MANY guilty pleasures I’ve indulged in since last week (like how Blaine L-O-V-E-S Kurt! HELLO! Totally watched that scene 5 10 times, what about you??)!?!
And it’s all happening RIGHT NOW!
It is so much better than finally painting the living room ceiling to cover up where your husband fell
Your American Idol, Scotty McCreery
through [from the attic] almost 1 year ago (and you wonder where I’ve been)!
It is massively sweeter than ordering Mexican food and trying to eat it all with 1 teaspoon of sour cream and ZERO guacamole!!
And, you might never forgive me for this, but it is without a doubt phat-er than watching Alfred E. Neuman become the next American Idol!!!
This week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week goes to…
Keebler Fudge Shoppe Cheesecake Middles!
"Do NOT buy these!"
Actually, I really AM kidding about this. I wish I wasn’t –you know how I love those elves– but these are DISGUSTING. It was too good to be true, I suppose.
This week’s REAL Guilty Flavor(s) of the Week(s) goes to:
You be the judge!!!
1.) How about this Colbert Report credit roll? Look at the Gaffer name!
I can’t remember exactly what a Gaffer is, but I’m fairly certain it doesn’t warrant a name regal enough to…well, do anything but gaff things.
2.) Or maybe this episode of HGTV’s Income Property?
Does anyone else see something wrong with this rental apartment bathroom art?? But at least it answers the age-old question, how do aliens get off?
3.) I see. You need something more. Well, okay. Here you go: Robert Pattinson SINGING!
This week’s GOGP Flavor of the Week is not even going to mess around. Except to say that:
It’s way awesomer than those restroom hand dryers that are so strong they blow your skin around your knuckles in a super-creepy way!
It is unbelievably keener than when your dog gives your knee a lick of thanks every time you give him food or water!!
And, this is going to be hard to imagine, but I promise you that it is mind-frenchingly cooler than when you found out the only difference between your DNA and chimpanzees’ is a mere 2%!!!
THIS week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…
Glee’s little Dancing Queen! Go Kurt!
I’m totally not kidding! This week’s Glee prom episode was amazing!
The REAL Guilty Flavor of the Week award is also bestowed upon the ever-glorious Glee’s prom episode:
There’s nothing better than a guilty pleasure born of what shouldn’t be funny, but in fact soooo is! I have 3 notes to share with you, and the best part is they’re all real. As in, I’ve seen them with my own two beady little eyes just this past week!
#1 – Dangerous Mind
My husband has been helping out a new fellow teacher at work, whose taste in memo pads makes a little piece of him die inside. Last week, he left her an ‘inspirational’ note, quoting one of her many memo pads. Just to see if she would notice. She didn’t. She now operates under the very false assumption that my husband is a dream-weaver, and, well, I really can’t think of anything better.
#2 – The Backed-Up Boy Who Lived
Spotted this weekend outside of our local Wal-Mart, there’s no way this can be considered vandalism.
#3 – Neighborly Love Hate
A dear (the dearest) friend of mine often receives notes like this from her neighbor, which is something to consider if you’re thinking about moving into a gated community. This note is one of many from Unit 12 and will be filed with the rest – under Trashy Fiction.
Oh my, guilty pleasure pumpkins, you want MORE this week? Kate and William put on a magnificent hat show, I mean, got married, and we slayed bin Laden and threw his corpse into the ocean! Well okay, I know, like me, you’ll never be satisfied, so here we go…
GOGP‘s Guilty Flavor of the Week is coming to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!
It’s like the time you got Famous Amos cookies from the vending machine at work and TWO packages fell out!!
It’s so much awesomer than the moment you realized you were old enough to start swearing without getting in trouble!!!
And it’s so, so much better than winning the lottery, blowing it all on fast cars and gambling while extended family members crawl out of the woodwork asking why you don’t love them enough to pay off their debt!!!!
This week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week award goes to…
HOARDING the best Easter basket filler ever:
…just kidding (not really at all).
This week’s REAL Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…
The Daily Show’s May 2nd Moment of Zen! Wrong but oh-so-right, like any true guilty pleasure:
Forget texts, forget Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, IM…I have no expectations when it comes to your social media well wishes, but giving me a real card with nothingbut your name written inside? Why bother! Sure, the dog dressed as a rabbit on the front might scream “Julie!”, but you know what else it screams? L-A-Z-Y. Just because you spent time and money seeking out and purchasing that card doesn’t mean you can let it do all the work for you.
The ultimate example is holiday greetings with the family name STAMPED on the inside: “Happy Holidays. The Jones Family.” Are you serious, Jones Family? You killed a tree and I risked getting a paper cut for that? It’s the card that says, “You are an obligation. Merry Christmas!”
This obligation theory applies to any type of card, but especially thank you cards. Oh, you like the gift and thoughtful card I composed for you? Well your sloppily scrawled, “Thank you for the blankety blank and blank. I really like using my new blank blank blank. Love, Boring Betty” makes me wish I didn’t get you anything at all.
Remember when your parents used to say, “Don’t buy me a gift, make me something instead”? They had the right idea. You grumbled and groaned, but when Mother’s/Father’s Day rolled around, you learned that you were capable of making some pretty sweet friendship bracelets.
An exceptional thank you card, in just a few short sentences.
My point is, even craftng a crappy card is better than buying a card and writing nothing inside. And believe me when I say getting no card is better than receiving a cop-out card. Your empty (i.e., soulless) cards go right in the blue bin, but anything more I will treasure forever.
There are other perks to taking a minute or two when you open that Hallmark gem, pen at the ready. You will be the envy of friends and family alike if you take the time to think of something touching or cute to add. It doesn’t take much. A simple, “I’ll always be younger than you” does the trick in a birthday card pinch. Even if you’re not artistically inclined [like me], you luck out in greeting cards, because stick figures are almost always hilarious.
Still don’t know what to write? Try one of these:
Write anything in big block letters.
Draw a stick figure in a hat appropriate for the occasion.
Write “That’s What She Said” or “Preach” after whatever’s already inside the card.
Draw the one thing you were always good at doodling during 7th grade algebra (Mickey Mouse? Trees? Peace signs? Mrs. Jonathan Taylor Thomas inside a heart?).
One word [that speaks a thousand]: Stickers!
Tell them about the effort you went to to find that perfect card.
Give it a try and don’t over think it. I believe in you. And I’ll be sure to tell you in a future post how you’re doing.
It’s that time again, you little guilty pleasure fiends, you.
Guilty Flavor of the Week!
Coming to you RIGHT NOW!
It’s like the time you graduated kindergarten, only better!!
It’s marginally cooler than when you rescued that turtle by the park right before it fell in the sewer!!!
And I dare say it is drastically keener than when you got that glass plaque at work for something you did two years earlier!!!!
This week’s prestigious Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…
LUNCHABLES! They’re not just for depressing Monday lunches in your car anymore!
How else can you get two day's worth of sodium in one sitting?
…just kidding (not in the slightest. C’mon! Capri Sun?)…
Okay, the REAL guilty flavor of the week is THE FOLLOWING POST! Wow, you guys got a two-fer this week! It’s time to buy a lotto ticket!
9021-Oh My God
Yesterday morning I walked into the kitchen saying to my husband,
“You know what I just realized? The Walshes named their kids Brenda and Brandon.”
“But they’re twins,” my husband explained patiently.
“So?!” I retorted. “That’s terrible.”
Conversations like this are anything but rare in my house, because I’ve been watching 90210 since long before I knew what a merkin was (which is what happens when your only sister is 5 and a half years older than you and your mother is sick of your pre-pubescent whining).
But…
…I’m finally starting to feel old.
On Monday night, FOX aired a new episode of their reincarnation of the 1991 classic, and -I can’t believe I’m about to say this- I think they might have gone too far. They ‘somehow’ managed to corral the entire cast onto a private jet (no matter what leap of faith this required, like accepting that Adrianna and Silver would EVER share the same air space) so they could fly down to Mexico for Spring Break. Now, I’ve seen season one of Laguna Beach three times, watched every episode of The O.C., and can often be found ogling the Kardashian family, but nothing can suspend my disbelief long enough to swallow that:
Teddy Montgomery, High Schooler
1.)Annie and Dixon, the Brenda and Brandon of the 21st century, could afford this trip (even if they did get to fly on Teddy’s dad’s private jet for free). They’re supposed to be struggling for money, and I know this because I’ve had to sit through many boring scenes about their mother (the only parent you regularly see on this show, the ageless Lori Loughlin) trying to find a job.
2.) Every couple had their own room (with no mention of trying to hide it from their parents), where they all had blatant relations. Aren’t these kids JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL? Someone please say it’s not just me.
3.)Teddy is in high school – this is so far from reality that it almost comes full circle, back into the realm of possibility.
4.) Teddy and ‘the first straight man he ever had feelings for‘ suddenly would a) show up in Mexico at the same resort, b) turn out to be a gay, and c) somehow look even older than Teddy! As if!
Teddy's Meaty Gordita, Fellow High Schooler
5.)Silver would be dumb enough to drink from an unsealed bottle of water in Mexico (after Adrianna swapped it with tap water so Silver would get sick, that sadistic
Adrianna, Wicked Witch of the West Bev
b*tch).
6.)Adrianna would be evil enough to THEN swap out Silver’s meds so she’ll go bipolar on the next episode (I can’t WAIT to see that…).
7.) Oh! Oh! I almost forgot! So then there was a whole scene with Ivy having a marijuana tweak-out on the beach at 7am (I’m making up the time, by the way) and Dixon is calmly talking her down!? Okay, I know times are a-changing, but to have it represented on 8pm network TV targeted at tweens and creepy guilty pleasure bloggers like it’s just ‘whatever’!? Amazeballs!
You’re probably wondering why I even bother with this show anymore. Well, here’s why:
Meet Liam (I dont know his real name and I dont care).
Go Jules Go 