Category: Animals

Animals, Just For Fun, Marriage

Lovey Dovey Sunday

Go Jules Go

I love love. Even as a teenager with braces, extra chins and a permanent seat at the ‘Geek Table,’ I couldn’t get enough of Valentine’s Day. While others lucky enough to have a valentine would grumble and groan about the commercial nature of the holiday, I couldn’t find a single reason not to embrace a day that celebrated love. Not just romantic love, but love for family and friends, too.

It’s far from February, but there are lots of lovey dovey vibes out there this weekend that were just too wonderful not to share with you sweet little chipmunks.

Deborah from The Monster in Your Closet put up a beautiful post about love yesterday.

There are so many things I love about The Byronic Man’s latest post – I’m sure you’ll understand as soon as you read it.

My cousin recently shared this fantastic video on YouTube (Fran & Marlo Cowan, married 62 years, playing an impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic):

And for some real guilty pleasure love, I discovered this weekend that Second Husband participated in a Funny or Die LOLCat skit (as the voice of Leopold in “Life of Leopold”). You can watch it here. …Sigh. Isn’t he so smart and funny and dreamy, even (especially?) with whiskers?

Animals, Uncategorized, Uncle Jesse

If You Don’t Want to Fall in Love, Don’t Read This

Go Jules Go

There are a lot of really compelling, totally unbiased reasons you should fall in love with my dog, Uncle Jesse (yes, that’s right, we named him after a “Full House” character, ’cause we’re cool like that).

For one thing, have you ever seen a grown, otherwise sassy and able-bodied dog eat lying down?

Did I mention he comes over and gives our feet/legs a lick of thanks every time he has a solid drink of water or a satisfying dose of kibs?

Uncle Jesse even looks pathetic-cute after rolling in disgusting things out-of-doors (and getting an immediate bath):

Have mercy for REALSIES.

If Uncle Jesse’s looks and eating habits haven’t won you over, perhaps his mind-control abilities will. When he has to go outside, he simply stands in front of you and stares.

If that doesn’t work, he gets closer.

And then…

Okay, still not smitten? Well, there’s one more test to see if your heart actually works. When I was a Hurricane Irene refugee at my parents’ house, Peppermeister and Uncle J put on this stunning performance:

What makes your pet(s) lovable?

Animals, Just For Fun, Lists, New Jersey is breathtaking, Uncategorized

I Have a Barn. How the F#%* Did That Happen?

Go Jules Go

I was raised 20 miles southwest of New York City, in a suburban New Jersey town where today city commuters still reign supreme and real estate is precious. I grew up thinking anyone with more than half an acre of land was a millionaire. Or crazy. I hated country music, horseback riding and wide open spaces. At 20, I transferred to college in Manhattan and became one of those commuters myself. I was sure I’d grow up to be an urban-dwelling writer/cat lady. Gladly so.

Now look at me. 29. Married. Project Manager. Labradoodle. Barn.

WTF.

I have a barn. What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is a girl like me supposed to do with a barn? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately from a guilty pleasure perspective (duh, what other perspective is there?) and I have some ideas. I’m not dead-set on any, so I’d really appreciate your suggestions. (I know how creative you are when you’re supposed to be doing boring serious things. ;))

There’s the obvious:

  • Vodka Distillery.

  • Animals Dressed as Other Animals: An Aww-Inspiring Exhibit.

  • Sexy Secret Hiding Place for Second Husband, Darren Criss.

And the slightly less obvious:

  • Clubhouse for My Very First Cult. (Alert: Currently recruiting. Must love deep-fried Oreos and puppies. Serious inquiries only.)

  • Storage Room for guillotine, life-sized Twilight dolls, barrels of wine, aged cheeses and fireworks*.

  • Goat. You know. Maybe. Like one cute, little goat. And some chickens. Just 1 or 2 or 50. And the goat probably needs a friend, now that I think about it.

Admit it. You want some g.d. extraordinary chickens, too. (Side note: My bestie actually bought this calendar for someone once.) Photo credit: bumblebeeblog.com

*This might sound more impressive if you knew fireworks were illegal [for residents to own/set off] in New Jersey. …No? Still not impressed? Did you see that chicken?

What about THESE chickens? Boo-ya. Photo credit: mytakeonlife.com

 How has life surprised you??

Animals, Booze, Chipmunks Forever, Just For Fun, Uncategorized

This One’s For You. Yeah, YOU!

Go Jules Go

Oh you, my darling Guilty Pleasure chipmunk*, let’s talk. Grab a chair drink. Can I just tell you something? I’ve been struggling with whether or not I should’ve emailed you at your personal email address when you subscribed to my blog. I wanna write and say, “Thank you. You’ve totally validated my existence and if you’re ever in Jersey I’ll be glad to make you dinner and let my dog lick your face raw,” but it seems like that might be a bit too intrusive. (In case I’ve worried anyone, if you’ve written me to thank me for subscribing to your blog, I was thrilled.)

Related to this, I wrote a very silly post back in April (2 months after I started this blog) which I intended to post should I ever catch that rare, Freshly Pressed unicorn (i.e., get featured on the home page of wordpress.com). Well, shockingly, I did wrangle the majestic, one-horned beast this week -when I least expected it, natch, and had long given up caring too much about it- but the post was sarcastic and clouded the true gratitude and humility I felt in responding to the exciting flurry of sweet comments.

So, lest there be ANY doubt how I feel about you, and by you I mean those who’ve ever read, and/or continue to read, my little blog, and share your lovely, hilarious thoughts (so yeah, this means YOU! Right now! You!):

*I love chipmunks. So much. This is the greatest compliment I know how to give. Besides sharing my Reese’s peanut butter cups. Or my vodka. No, no. Sorry. I got carried away. Paws off the Smirnoff.

Animals, Lists, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

The #1 Guilty Pleasure By Which I Simply Cannot Abide

Go Jules Go

My SIL (sister-in-law) is great. Smart, loving, responsible. She’s one of my top go-to gals – she can help a sister out with just about anything. But she does have one flaw, and that flaw sounds a lot like the theme song to “7th Heaven.” Do you guys remember that show? I do, unfortunately. Yesterday, SIL reminded me of this nightmare with a nostalgic Facebook post. A dull shudder ran down my spine instantly when I saw this picture:

"When I see their happy faces, smiling back at me"...I'm afraid. Very afraid. Photo credit: cbs.com.

I told SIL I could handle Hugh Hefner, but Eric Camden was another matter. Seriously. Remember all those icky storylines where he’d counsel someone from his church in a far too intrusive way? I think pamphlets were involved, or at least I always imagined they were. And there’d constantly be uncomfortable sexual innuendo with his wife.  Let’s not forget, Aaron Spelling was behind this 11-year-long (!!!) trainwreck, so I really don’t think I’m imagining things.

I concluded with SIL, via Facebook, that they were definitely keeping extra, unseen children in the basement of that huge white house of theirs. After the conversation, though, I still felt unsatisfied. I needed to prove -perhaps only to myself- just how inappropriate this show really was.  And so after half-assed extensive research, I now present to you…

The Top 3 Most Ridiculous “7th Heaven” Moments*

*that I could find on YouTube

#1 – A Heavenly Arsenal

#2 – Read Between the Lines, Mom

#3 – This is Uncomfortable. Er, PERIOD.

And now, just for fun (I like to imagine they’re saying, “Puh-leeeeeeease noooooooo. Make it stooooop!”):

Animals, Everyone Loves a Braggart...Right?, Project Management, Uncategorized

It’s Official. I Rule.

Go Jules Go

Okay, there’s a lot of things I’m not.

Like cool.

But guess what I AM?

A Project Management Professional (PMP)-certified project manager! Yes siree Bob. Today I passed the dreaded 200-question, 4-hour Project Management Institute (PMI) exam and join the ~400,000 PMP holders worldwide.

Yeah. I'll manage the CRAP out of your projects.

I’ve never been so happy to be called “moderately proficient” in all my life. And this also means…I finally get to add some credentials after my name!

Are you taking me more seriously now?

You should, because I’m going to be far too busy and important to post things like that anymore. Or this:

Or this:

P.S. – It’s also my wonderful husband’s 30th birthday. He’s the greatest, but I’ll always be younger. Wow. Maybe I am a lot of things.

Animals, Uncategorized, Uncle Jesse

Holy Sh*t, That’s My Dog!

Go Jules Go

Long Introduction

Have Mercy

As you might recall, one of Uncle Jesse’s first tricks was, “Watch the hair, huh!” (An homage to his Full House namesake.) My jaw-droppingly expensive multi-generational Australian Labradoodle was 9-10 weeks old when he mastered this delightful ditty, immediately justifying his price tag.

Since then, I’ve come up with all kinds of ways to amuse myself at his expense. Mostly in the form of nicknames, which change on at least a biweekly basis*. (Current nickname: Schnoodle. Because he looks like a noodle, it rhymes with poodle, and he’s just so darn…schnoodly. Don’t you think?)

We also call him a ‘man’ instead of a ‘boy’. He’s a good man. A smart man. “Come here,

A Schnoodly man

man.” Along with his name, it tends to confuse people, so we keep doing it.

I also like replacing dog-related phrases and commands with things that are ticklier to my fancy. “Fetch,” for example, has become an appreciative, “Thank you.” As in, “Thank you in advance for bringing me that toy. It was so very kind of you.” Works like a charm.

Short Introduction

My favorite canine comic relief comes from what we say instead of, “Wanna go for a walk?” Instead we simply shout, with appropriate fervor, “Holy shit!” No explanation necessary. Just watch:


*P.S. – For the record, yes, he does answer to “Uncle Jesse”. No one ever believes me!

P.P.S. – We plan on dressing him up as a wedge of cheese this Halloween. Get it? A Cheese DOODLE! Also works for an Uncle Sam costume: A Yankee DOODLE!

Animals, TV Junkie, Uncategorized, Wipe the Drool

Wilfred: A Doggone Hoot, Don’tcha Think?

Go Jules Go
Photo credit: http://www.hollywood.com

You might laugh when you read this, but when it comes to television and movies, I’m pretty picky. I usually go in with low expectations, and it takes a lot to impress me. There’s a new show on FX that has, surprisingly, hit the mark. And that show is a little 30-minute comedy called Wilfred.

Sure, it’s quirky, even a little weird and mysterious, but haven’t we been prepped for that with shows like Ally McBeal and Lost?

I love it. 

And I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I had a GI-NORMOUS crush on Elijah Wood when I was 12. In a strange turn of events, though, my affable, will-watch-anything-as-long-as-it’s-not-TOO-girly husband, refuses to get on board.

This makes me a little worried. About the Fate of the show, I mean, not my impeccable taste.

Because of the disparate opinions in my own household, I’m dying to know, what do YOU think of Wilfred?? And if you’re feeling really deep, who/what do you think Wilfred represents?

Animals, Food

I’m Going to Ruin Your Life, Too!

Go Jules Go
Photo credit: eater.com

Life Ruiner (noun)

~*~
Someone who is unbelievably perfect; ruins your image on how most people are; makes you believe that most people are unworthy because there is someone like him/her around.
~*~
Source: Urban Dictionary (and thanks to one of my favorite life ruiner sites for clueing me into this all-too-real phenomenon)
~*~
I’d like to expand this definition to include more than just perfect people, but the perfect, and perfectly imperfect, things people put on tape. You know, those things you get from Web Soup-y, Tosh.0-tastic clips. Life ruiners because, well, how can we be expected to do anything productive when we have these to see? Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch this.
Not your cup of tea? Try this.
Animals, New Jersey is breathtaking, Uncategorized, Uncle Jesse

Things That Confuse Me When I Walk My Dog: A Photo Tour

Go Jules Go

My husband and I try to take our dog for a walk every day, which usually amounts to 3 times a week. The only option by our house is to do a full 2-mile loop, and some most times E.L. Fudge cookies in front of the T.V. wins.

Perhaps the real reason I am hesitant to embark on this exhausting trek is because so many things baffle me along the way. (Click on any of the pictures to enlarge.)

MILE 0.15: Here is where my dog decides to relieve himself. Every time. As if he KNOWS it’s just far enough away from the house to require me to carry his feces for the remaining 1.85 miles.

MILE 0.41: I cannot for the life of me fathom why climbing this hill mountain never gets easier. No matter how many vodka shots I turn down the night before.

MILE 1.05: I don’t have a picture of Mile 1.05, because Mile 1.05 scares me, and I’m fairly certain that if I showed you why, you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, and then I’d feel really bad (but would mostly worry that you’d stop reading my blog). Suffice it to say, the house at Mile 1.05 has a rusted sign on the gate, leading up to a dome-shaped apartment/garage, and it reads: HONK BEFORE YOU ENTER.

MILE 1.11: And if you’re not already freaked out, look what I recently discovered behind this seemingly-innocent house: a legitimate cemetary! They did a very good job disguising it; it took me almost 8 months to notice. But this worries me even more. I have so many questions, the first being, as I’m sure you’d imagine, are those people or pets? …And this is why I need to stop asking questions.

MILE 1.18: Luckily, it’s not long before we land in Pleasantville, but this too perplexes me. Are forsythia bushes supposed to look like that, and have the rest of us been offending Mother Nature unwittingly? And, P.S., what kind of birds are landing at this residence? I didn’t think turkeys could fly that high.

MILE 1.30: Now not only am I in Pleasantville, but it is 1952 and the neighborhood kids have gone for a dip in the watering hole.

MILE 1.52: I have not yet figured out why these people have a miniature pony, nor why I feel so disappointed when it chooses to hide in its shack (in case you don’t already know, I could do without horses).

MILE 1.60: There were 3 sheep here before winter. It’s spring now. Where are they? Oh, god, don’t tell me they’re behind the house at Mile 1.11.

MILE 1.71: Every time I pass one of the three (yes, three) Christmas tree farms in our neighborhood, I wonder how anyone could ever think New Jersey is anything less than a magical, pine-scented armpit, where everyone says, “How YOU doin’, amongst this fine bucolic splendor?”

MILE 1.79: You might not be able to tell from this photo, but this mailbox’s general girth puzzles me. Just look at the massive posts holding it up. Do they often get large packages containing the parts needed to assemble Dolly Parton’s bra, or a shopping mall? Or do they have a very small-but-unhygenic houseguest who comes to visit frequently enough that it requires drastic sleeping arrangements?

MILE 1.90: Daffodils. They’re everywhere! Why?

MILE 1.91: I will never, EVER understand why this house always has a ladder resting against it. Not always in the same place, but always there. If someone is trying to sneak out (or in), they’re not being very sneaky, or consistent. And if repairs are underway, why am I not seeing any progress? That ladder HAS to be messing with their Feng Shui.

These are all things I don’t understand. What I do understand is that if <insert deity here> wanted me to walk 2 miles every day, he wouldn’t have made Fudge Stripes taste so good.

THE END.

Wait, wait, P.S. – a little shout-out to someone else who’s confused: click here.