Those wee gerbils running WordPress.comThe amazing staff of WordPress, who I’m certain are soon going to put me on Freshly Pressed (i.e., the home page of WordPress), sure do have a sense of humor.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? Try updating your settings. Go to Users > Personal, and check off the first box (“Fun: Surprise Me”):
The first thing I noticed about ‘Surprise Me’ mode was a new check box when I went to add a Post:
What differentiates a regular post from a super-awesome one, you ask? In my case,nothing.
The second thing I noticed was on the Site Stats page, a tab to “Humanize” the numbers (click on picture to enlarge):
Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever know what fun facts they have for numbers greater than 178 (and 178 heartfelt thank you’s to “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”, by the way).
Then, today, in the ‘Track My Comments’ section, I saw this:
My guilty pleasure hat fascinator goes off to you, WordPress!
P.S. – To read the hilarious post referenced in the above Comments, click here.
Forget texts, forget Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, IM…I have no expectations when it comes to your social media well wishes, but giving me a real card with nothingbut your name written inside? Why bother! Sure, the dog dressed as a rabbit on the front might scream “Julie!”, but you know what else it screams? L-A-Z-Y. Just because you spent time and money seeking out and purchasing that card doesn’t mean you can let it do all the work for you.
The ultimate example is holiday greetings with the family name STAMPED on the inside: “Happy Holidays. The Jones Family.” Are you serious, Jones Family? You killed a tree and I risked getting a paper cut for that? It’s the card that says, “You are an obligation. Merry Christmas!”
This obligation theory applies to any type of card, but especially thank you cards. Oh, you like the gift and thoughtful card I composed for you? Well your sloppily scrawled, “Thank you for the blankety blank and blank. I really like using my new blank blank blank. Love, Boring Betty” makes me wish I didn’t get you anything at all.
Remember when your parents used to say, “Don’t buy me a gift, make me something instead”? They had the right idea. You grumbled and groaned, but when Mother’s/Father’s Day rolled around, you learned that you were capable of making some pretty sweet friendship bracelets.
An exceptional thank you card, in just a few short sentences.
My point is, even craftng a crappy card is better than buying a card and writing nothing inside. And believe me when I say getting no card is better than receiving a cop-out card. Your empty (i.e., soulless) cards go right in the blue bin, but anything more I will treasure forever.
There are other perks to taking a minute or two when you open that Hallmark gem, pen at the ready. You will be the envy of friends and family alike if you take the time to think of something touching or cute to add. It doesn’t take much. A simple, “I’ll always be younger than you” does the trick in a birthday card pinch. Even if you’re not artistically inclined [like me], you luck out in greeting cards, because stick figures are almost always hilarious.
Still don’t know what to write? Try one of these:
Write anything in big block letters.
Draw a stick figure in a hat appropriate for the occasion.
Write “That’s What She Said” or “Preach” after whatever’s already inside the card.
Draw the one thing you were always good at doodling during 7th grade algebra (Mickey Mouse? Trees? Peace signs? Mrs. Jonathan Taylor Thomas inside a heart?).
One word [that speaks a thousand]: Stickers!
Tell them about the effort you went to to find that perfect card.
Give it a try and don’t over think it. I believe in you. And I’ll be sure to tell you in a future post how you’re doing.
I never meant to shun you, studly man muffins. Look, I even wrote a post about farts just for you. Here’s one where I talk about the crazy stuff people have said to me. I know you’ll like that one.
I can be brunette, too. Baby, I can be anything you want me to be.
Don’t make me think about how I always lose the “who’s funnier, men or women?” argument with my husband (I see no reason why this has to happen, just because he is, in fact, funnier than me), or that you will only ever like male singers, male comedians, and male talk show hosts.
You should know that my favorite authors are predominantly male (Bill Bryson), if not straight (David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs), and I think that you look very cute in your mismatched socks and 5 o’clock shadow.
Remind yourself that so many guilty pleasures are universal, as is exceptional writing.
I am open to your suggestions, Beefcakes, so please let me know what you’d like to see on this blog. I normally wouldn’t put any restrictions on this invitation, but just remember that I’m trying to get Freshly Pressed (i.e., on the home page of wordpress.com), and for some strange reason they don’t seem to support nudity, nor does my husband.
Let’s see. We’ve already covered the fact that I was an extra on “Dawson’s Creek,” am obsessed with Glee, Harry Potter and little miss pageants, and that I named my dog after a “Full House” character. You might be thinking this well’s about to dry up.
Nay, friends, I’ve only just begun. (It certainly helps that blogging about guilty pleasures is, in and of itself, a guilty pleasure. That shouldn’t be allowed. It’s like trying to stare at the sun.)
Here are a mere few of the things I plan to bring to your [rapt] attention over the coming weeks. (Please feel free to express your gratitude by subscribing. Or by sending pictures of animals dressed as other animals.)
1. What to expect if you see Daniel Radcliffe naked, live, as I have.
2. What NOT to say if someone asks if you want to attend a week-long Project Management Boot Camp in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.
3. 9021-Oh My God.
4. Robert Pattinson SINGS! (Holy sh*t, how have I not gotten to this yet!?)
5. My Plan to Save Mankind, a.k.a. The Power of Haikus
6. MY MOST SHAMEFUL GUILTY PLEASURE OF. ALL. TIME.
Go Jules Go 