Month: August 2011

Everyone Loves a Braggart...Right?, Food, Uncategorized, Wipe the Drool

Food Porn

Go Jules Go

You know what I don’t talk about nearly enough for someone who claims to be a guilty pleasure connoisseur?

FOOD!

I love food. Food is great. I totally live to eat (and not the other way around). Last night I made an in-my-head-recipe for vegetable lasagna that was so good I feel compelled to tell everyone I’ve seen since then about it. I always use whole milk, full-fat cheeses (lots of different kinds: provolone, asiago, mozzarella, parmesan, ricotta), and this time I blended a bag of fresh spinach into the ricotta cheese blend – WOWZAH! Look:

The green on the sides is the ricotta-spinach blend...oozing out, delicious and creamy and gooey.

It also helps that I was able to use 3 kinds of fresh, organic basil from my husband’s (a.k.a. The Peppermeister) garden.

And as long as we’re on the topic of my culinary prowess, I should tell you I have quite a reputation when it comes to baking. I’m excited to share with you a few of my favorite online dessert recipes, along with some of my trade secrets. I hope you’ll try one (or all) of them out and let me know how it goes!

General Baking Tips (I wouldn’t do this for just anyone, guilty pleasure snookums)

  • With rare exceptions, FOLLOW THE RECIPE! People who like to cook sometimes struggle with this baking principle; the order and the measurements make all the difference in baking
  • I HIGHLY recommending using AirBake pans for your cookies and keep a close eye once they’re in the oven – cookies still look a little soft/raw in the middle when they’re done (that is, if you like soft, chewy cookies like me)
The AirBake pans I use look like this.
  • The more you try, the better you get! You have no idea how many things I’ve screwed up on the first go ’round
  • Don’t worry about having your butter and eggs sit out until they’re room temperature before you start making your recipe if you don’t have time (just soften your butter in the microwave and use cold eggs) – it really doesn’t matter that much, despite what you might have heard!
  • Barefoot Contessa would burn me alive for this, but don’t worry about using unsalted butter – just don’t add any additional salt to the recipe if using salted butter
  • One thing that DOES matter: real vanilla! I’ve heard real vanilla bean is best, but I’m very happy with McCormick’s pure vanilla extract (NOT imitation)
  • If you don’t bake often, be mindful of when your dry ingredients expire/go stale

Black Bottom Cupcakes – you and your family/friends will go into a happy food coma from one of these!

Cupcakes before frosting. Photo credit: http://www.allrecipes.com
  • Use foil muffin tin liners – they peel off easily
  • Once cooled, frost with cream cheese icing* and sprinkle with the leftover mini chocolate chips
  • Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight before serving (like anything with tomato sauce, anything with cream cheese seems to taste better after it ‘settles’)

Thumbprint Cookies – these are soft, buttery and delicious and changed my opinion on thumbprint cookies!

Photo credit: http://www.landolakes.com
  • If rolling in nuts, toast the nuts first (I use my toaster oven and it only takes about a minute) and then chop them into nearly a powder using a mini Cuisinart (if you have one). At Christmastime, I like to roll some in nuts and some in red or green sprinkles (they’re very pretty)
  • Make sure you’re using a jam filling that you would want to eat on its own (and remember that some people will only eat seedless jam) – it’s the centerpiece of the cookie. One of my favorites is Dickinson’s Cascade Mountain seedless raspberry jam (I can usually find this brand at any grocery store), but the best I ever had was some random gourmet brand I found at HomeGoods (I really should have written the name down!)
  • You do need to grease your baking pans for these (unlike with most other cookies) – it doesn’t really matter if you use a spray or softened butter

Old-Fashioned Oatmeal Raisin Cookies – just like grandma made, if you were lucky enough to live near a grandmother that baked

Photo credit: http://www.landolakes.com
  • You also do need to grease your baking sheets for these
  • Remember to buy quick-cooking oats, not old-fashioned (I guess the name of these cookies is pretty misleading!)
  • I like to buy raisins that come in a ziploc pouch; they seem fresher/softer
  • I’ve determined that it’s the 2 cups of brown sugar that have people react by saying screaming they’re the best oatmeal-raisin cookies they’ve ever had

*My tried and true cream cheese icing recipe

1 bar (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

1 stick (1/2 c.) butter, softened

1 tsp. vanilla

2 c. powdered sugar

Beat butter and cream cheese together using an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Blend in vanilla, and finally sugar, about 1/2 cup at a time so you don’t turn into one of these guys:

We should have listened to gojulesgo. Photo credit: http://www.partybuzz.com.

HAPPY BAKING!

Everyone Loves a Braggart...Right?, Marriage, Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Go Jules Go
Cheers, me!

Wedding anniversaries are a time to reflect, to pay tribute to the (wo)man of our dreams, to sit back and say, “I love you.”

Or, in my case, “You’re welcome.”

I’ve done so much for you, my hygienic, good-garbage-taker-outer husband; it’s really something special. I’d like to take this time to remind you of all the wonderful things I’ve brought to your life over the years. Why, just 3 years ago, I was willing to learn the Fox Trot for our wedding so people would stop talking about how I have all the class in the relationship. Then there was that time I told you your marriage proposal had to be top-notch because I wanted you to harness your creativity. Oh, and let’s not forget those occasional hormonal meltdowns, where I let you practice being sensitive.

It seems almost too obvious to mention how I graciously allow you to do all the grocery shopping and cooking so you can simultaneously develop your budgeting skills and palette. Or how I occasionally have you read my blog posts in advance so you can fine tune your sense of humor.

I do all of these things for you, ball and chain Spouse. I know sometimes you have trouble putting your gratitude into words and it comes out more like, “You’re so pretty” or “You’re perfect.” It’s okay. I understand. (It’s this same understanding that’s taught you to be so patient and empathetic. But no, no. No need to thank me for that.)

I think one of your students, on the back of your birthday card two weeks ago, put it best (she must have read my witty post about proper greeting cards):

From the bottom of my heart, Mr. gojulesgo, you’re welcome.

Kvetching, Uncategorized

Oh No She Didn’t!!! I MEAN YOU, TALBOTS.

Go Jules Go
Photo credit (before annotation): us.zeereport.com

Okay. Okay. I need to take a few deep breaths before writing this post.

Ladies, you are not going to believe this (and Gents, you really should stay tuned, too, especially if you’re having trouble in the dating world and don’t know why).

I went to Talbots* today, with Babs. Not because I love Talbots, or even because I needed clothes, but because I wanted to go shopping, and Babs loves Talbots. I was wearing a lovely, feminine, new pink top that Babs bought me from the Gap, and I was feeling quite delicate and spiffy.

As we roamed the racks, I loaded my arm with a few articles of clothing. A female sales clerk, about my age (29), wandered over and asked the typical, “Can I start a dressing room for you?”

“Yes, thanks, that would be great,” I replied, also in typical fashion. I transferred my findings to her and continued to sort through the on-sale pants.

Then…

Then!

Then!!!

She says, “I can see we’re about the same size. I have trouble fitting in those [pants you really like and were planning on trying on, and perhaps even spending your hard-earned money on]. We have a promotion now on our curvy line. Let me grab you a pair. …I don’t mean to deter you or anything.”

Wha…

Huh??

Who…are…

AHHHHHH!!!!!!

No. No no no. This is NOT okay!!!! Her Girl Card should be revoked IMMEDIATELY. Men, if you’ve hung on this long, you’re tops. Also, don’t EVER talk about a girl’s size, or compare her to anyone else! This is like…I can’t even…

Oh. I’m so sad.

*Talbots, in case you don’t already know, is an obnoxiously boring, stuffy “clothing” store where they only sell things that dated, snotty, meanie-heads would wear. (Sorry, Babs. But I’ve been trying to tell you. For, like, 15 years.)

Mind Your Manners, Uncategorized

Sincerely Yours, Caring McCantYouSeeImTryingHere

Go Jules Go

I promised you, guilty pleasure sweetums, that I’d let you know how you were doing when it came to your greeting cards. A few months ago, I hilariously rudely chastised those who merely scribble their name inside birthday/holiday cards, which, thinking back, is pretty ironic (can you rudely correct rudeness? Or do they cancel each other out?). I’ve heard from many of you since then; in fact, other than my flask story, it’s the post that seems to have made the biggest ripple through my inner circle. (Don’t be fooled. There is no outer circle.)

The outcome? You care, you really, really care! I see it, and I’m proud of you. You made my day(s). Just look (click on any of the pictures to enlarge):

Exhibit A+

My brother's girlfriend rockin' the left-hand side with an illustration of my birthday gift.

Exhibit B-u-ti-ful

My BFF gets it.

Exhibit C How Much They Care?

Birthday card from the in-laws. I love this.

Exhibit D-lightful

Babs took this picture in Times Square to make my birthday card (we went to the play for my b-day)! She taught me everything I know about proper greetings.

Exhibit E-lated That You Care

A drawing AND a blog shout-out in the birthday card from Hubster. He's no fool.
TV Junkie, Uncategorized, Vampires

Well…This is Awkward

Go Jules Go
Photo credit: mtv.com

I know I’m supposed to be your guilty pleasure goddess, right? And at this point you rely on me as something of an immoral compass – as long as I continue to go off the guilty pleasure deep end, you can rationalize your own guilty pleasures, right?

I was afraid that.

Because I have a confession to make.

Arg. Look at me, I'm acting so scary. Arg. Photo credit: tvworthwatching.com

You know how MTV started airing a new show, Teen Wolf, this summer? And how it has everything I normally geek out over, guilty pleasure-style (teens with little adult supervision, werewolves, leather jackets…)? Well…

I kinda…sorta…

DON’T LIKE IT! I’m sorry! I know. What’s wrong with me?? It just sits in my DVR, taunting me. Is it the terrible acting on the part of the male lead (the teen wolf)? Does it take itself too seriously? Or is it just that Buffy (my all-time favorite show ever ever ever) set the bar too high?

On the flip side, I LOVE MTV’s other new summer show, Awkward. It fills a little bit of the hole My Life as Liz and My So-Called Life left behind.  The one negative is that it’s only 30 minutes long.

What do you guys think? Should I be dethroned?

Kvetching, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

INCOMING!! Conversation Bombs – Part TWO!

Go Jules Go
Photo credit (before delightful annotation): http://media.spokesman.com

That’s right, my last post about things people say that catch you completely off-guard just wasn’t cutting the mustard.

And speaking of mustard, who have I to blame?

Food shows! First, it was Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel, where Zimmern suddenly dropped into his monologue that he was homeless for a year. With no explanation.

And now? The same thing happened on Extreme Chef (Food Network) last week! One of the contestants casually mentioned in his voiceover, as I watched him run inside an ice warehouse for a rabbit carcass, that he had been homeless. Once again, no explanation. My husband looked at me and waited. I was already gesturing aggressively towards the T.V.

“Again?” I cried.

“I know! You should write about it,” he replied enthusiastically. “That is weird.”

“Is it a chef thing?” we wondered. Is that why they don’t mind the 100-degree kitchen and unreasonable hours? And why they always want to be surrounded by food? Any food?

Of course, this also had me going back through life’s little gems so I could provide you with a new list of conversation bombs. Yes,  these are all things people have actually said to me. Give a girl some warning, wouldja?

“You have really huge pupils.”

“You don’t have to go home for Father’s Day. I can find you some fathers.”

“I like all kinds of houses. Except bi-levels.” (I live in a bi-level.)

“It’s a good thing you lost weight. A girl your age shouldn’t be fat.”

“We bought a pet scorpion.”

“New York City. Where is that?”

And a special guest contribution from my hubster, Peppermeister – a conversation he had at work [with a fellow teacher] some years ago:

Ms. Teacher: Do you know anyone who wants a dog?

Peppermeister: No, why? Are you getting rid of your dog?

Ms. Teacher: Yeah. My husband’s leaving me, and taking the house, and the apartment I’m living in doesn’t allow pets.

Your turn (comment below!) – Bombs Away!