I heard you like to laugh. At my expense. Sounds like you're ready to take our friendship to the next level. You won't be disappointed. I swear on teeny, tiny baby chipmunks.
It’s only February, and already I’m bursting at the seams with guilty pleasures, some new, some old. I can’t contain it any longer, so I’m just going to spew them out all over this post. I mean, delicately list them on this delightful blog with the most fetching of phrases.
#1 – Reflective Gear: Lead Me to the Light!
Yeah. It’s my new thing. Of course, there’s the obvious:
GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelets are finding happy homes all across the WORLD!
And then the not so obvious (thanks, Babs!):
Because loving Glee and side ponies didn't make me cool enough. Now I can walk Uncle Jesse after work in true style.
#2 – Uncle Jesse‘s Famous Head Tilt: He’s All Bark, No Bite!
This one really needs no introduction. (Advance apologies for my ‘puppy voice.’) And yes, the whole family loves The Office.
#3 – Mac Photo Booth Application: So Wrong, It’s Right!
I am truly ashamed of the level of vanity my Mac Photo Booth application inspires (yes, these pictures are all linked to actual blog posts of mine…sigh).
It makes me want to show off my waterproof mascara......And let's not forget my very first romance novel cover......I've toasted to myself......And I've shamelessly embraced being a bottled blonde.
#4 – Real Haircuts: Why, I Just Might.
My vanity knows no bounds. After taking Uncle Jesse for a routine (and costly!) visit to the groomer’s last week, I decided that the time had come to stop cutting and dying my own hair. Hallelujah!
Why should he be the only one who looks touchably soft?BEFORE.AFTER.Oh crud. Is it still long enough for a side pony?
#5 – Hats: Rocking Them Day and Night!
This is a vintage guilty pleasure for me, and this past weekend, I started recruiting a whole new generation.
My niece has my eye for fashion. She picked out my sunglasses. I told her they were perfect for hiding my hangover. (Kidding, Sis. ...Just...kidding...)
What’s your guiltiest pleasure of 2012 (so far)? If you’re feeling shy: how much do you love my new haircut?
Yo yo yo flying squirrels chipmunks! I have an exceptional bundle of GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet pics for you today! You are VERY welcome.
If you missed the first and second installments, they too are worth your time, in my completely conceited and biased opinion. Renée from Lessons from Teachers and Twits also just incorporated her slap bracelets into this dazzling post.
Continuing on in the order in which these pictures were received, here we go!!!
It would really, REALLY help you to know something before I post Katy’s pictures, and I’m soooo tempted to keep it to myself.
Hmmm.
Okay. I give.
Katy teaches at a nursing college, and should earn many high-falutin’ credentials after her name just for her creativity in the following pictures. Oh, and, if you don’t already know: her blog is delightful, with smatterings of (humorous) poetry and recipes! What more could a guilty pleasure blogger ask for?
I put the slap bracelet to use on my drinking utensils…
…on a mannequin…
He's no dummy; he's got the hottest accessory!
…on a poster for the nursing students (about ID bracelets)…
…on an IV…
Give the patient 1 liter of guilty pleasure IV - STAT!
… Then I took it home where Shelby modeled it (reluctantly) on her ankle and on her tail, and drooled when I put it around her favorite guilty pleasure – Milkbones…
…Finally, I slipped it on my husband’s (Sweet Cheeks) skinny little ankle and snapped a picture before he could figure out what was going on…
Deb is a very special person, choosing to focus on positivity and gratitude even in the darkest moments. She manages to make everyone feel divine with each heart-warming comment and every beautifully moving post. She is an accomplished writer (check out “The Monster’s Daughter“!) and a Buffy fan. What more do you need to know?
Oh, speaking of Buffy, she totally kicked chipmunk tail in my first video blogging contest with a hilarious video about Buffy, earning this super-duper homemade prize. (I have to mention that post every chance I get because I love it, and Deb, so much.)
Deb’s been keeping me up-to-date on all of the slap bracelet goings-on in her home, which center around her adorable toddler, Li’l D. Just look:
Guilty Pleasure Power - ACTIVATE!!!
While Li’l D was flexing his muscles, someone else was snuggling his My Little Pony…
I heard from Sandy for the first time about a month ago, requesting a slap bracelet. She said she’d stumbled across my blog, and I like to think it was via one of the following search engine terms (yes, these are real search terms that led people to my blog):
chipmunk sexy humor
farting for pleasure
diet with pop tarts
strippers covered in ketchup
how do i shape my eye brows like ryan philippe
I’ve been having lots of fun reading Sandy’s blog, because she shares personal anecdotes that are as endearing as they are amusing. She is also the first person I know who actually does those INSANITY and P90X work-out videos. So be nice to her; she may be made entirely of muscle and the forgotten dreams of [P90X’s] Tony Horton, who clearly was never held as a child.
My, the pink against pristine white really raises the bar, Winston.Just when I thought it couldn't get more stunning than Winston!
I found Cappy a while back through one of my favorite bloggers, Girl on the Contrary. There’s definitely a common theme between these two gorgeous gals, and that theme is hilarity. She’s the perfect blend of silly and sarcastic. Every post of Cappy’s makes me burst out laughing, and I’m SO excited that she’s come over to the dark light side.
It's Kung Fu Pooh and Drunken Piglet! ...That sounds like a Chinese food dish I kind of want to try.
Thank you Katy, Deb, Sandy and Cappy! Consider yourselves cordially invited to the Chipmunk Ball.
You STILL don’t have a slap bracelet to call your own? Stop your tears -and mine- by emailing me at JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com!
Post-slushie. ...I think pink highlights could work for me.
Chipmunks, I know you’ve just been dying to hear more about my Glee slushie experience after watching the presentation in my last post, Why Glee Makes My Soul Sing.
And what kind of guilty pleasure blogger would I be if I didn’t indulge your every whim?
Before I give you the uncut version of my first ever slushie-in-the-face extravaganza, though, there are a few things you should I want you to know:
Peppermeister (my husband) normally requires at least 7 day’s notice before making ANY plans on the weekend (this includes plans as small as hanging one picture or a trip to Wal-Mart [true story]). When I asked -with only a few minute’s notice- if he’d be willing to throw a frozen beverage in my gourd this past Sunday, he dropped everything
That (Target) sweater already had an oops-red-sock-in-the-wash stain on the back and was headed for the bin
We were outside. In January. In New Jersey (translation = cold!)
You might be able to hear Uncle Jesse (our dog) whining from inside the house, because he can handle anything except alienation
We didn’t have a Big Gulp Slurpee (from 7-Eleven) like they use in Glee, so we substituted with a souvenir Medieval Times cup and a homemade slushie made from ice, water, cranberry juice and red food coloring
So. Would you? Slushie in the face? Why or why not?
Chipmunks, your Monday is about to get a WHOLE lot brighter. I made another Glee-related presentation for you me! Wait ’til you see the lengths to which I’m willing to go just to prove a point. This is epic. I actually had to change clothes during the making of this video.
And it wasn’t even my idea this time! My B.F.F., Byronic Man, approached me a few weeks ago with an enticing proposition (…that’s what she said) – to do a point/counterpoint post.On the same day, we’d both blog about why we love (in my case) or hate (in his case) FOX’s Glee.
I know with my guilty pleasure zeal and project management skill set, it’s kind of unfair to go head-to-head with someone about a show like Glee. On the other hand, Byronic Man IS one of the funniest writers I know. So, if you want to hear what Byronic Man has to say about Glee, head over to his blog…
…BUT FIRST…
There’s no way you won’t agree with me after seeing THIS (I recommend watching in full screen)!
Why do you love/hate Glee? Don’t forget, the much-anticipated [by me] Michael Jackson episode airs tomorrow night (Jan 31st) on FOX (8pm EST)!
I’ll keep this post short so you can head over to my guest post and show the Laughter is Catching crowd how much you adore me, with promises of more slap bracelet pics to come soon!
*MAC primer, MAC liquid foundation, Maybelline pressed powder, and a deal with the devil.
Chatterbox Chipmunks, I’ve been lied to. There’s no way I’m turning 30 in April. I can’t remember much from those early years, so for all I know, life began in 1986 and not 1982 like my birth certificate would lead you to believe.
That’s right. I’m not a day over 25.
My taste in accessories (slap bracelets) and hair styles (side ponies) suggests not a nostalgic fondness for the styles of my youth, but rather a hipster-esque desire to embrace ‘vintage’ trends.
Christie is as sweet as a teeny, tiny baby chipmunk and attends a crazy-good school to study architecture. We met up this past Thursday in lower Manhattan to see my fellow 25(ish)-year-old, Charlene Kaye, perform at the Rockwood Music Hall.
I wore a $4 white thermal shirt from Old Navy. You know, ’cause us young kids just don’t give a shiz*. The guy who carded me even said I was “a baby.” Now, I won’t be greedy. I’ll settle for 25.
That was the highlight of the night.
Kidding!
Kinda.
Charlene Kaye was brilliant, and managed to fill the venue, despite playing a 7pm set on a Thursday night. She performed for a mere 45 minutes, which is my only complaint. Charlene’s voice is pure and unique – both haunting and comforting. She can incorporate hip-hop beats into her music just as easily as power ballad piano riffs.
I'm a terrible photographer, but I think you can still see that Charlene is the cat's pajamas.
We said hello to Charlene after her set (there were high-fives exchanged…they have become cool and hip, so naturally I was included), and she asked if she’d see us again. Sure, Charlene, we’ll be at your CD release party in March – if I’ve finished my term paper I’m not too tired after work to make the commute.
Here’s a taste of my favorite song of Charlene’s, the title track of her soon-to-debut album, Animal Love:
*Until said young kid arrives home and realizes her tanning lotion has rubbed off on the sleeves.
What age do you want to relive so badly it makes you cry into your orange-stained sleeves?
I haven’t gotten a chance to tell you Chipmunks about my two new [guilty pleasure] life coaches, Zest and Zeal. UNTIL NOW! Boo-ya:
Meet Zest. She's obsessed with her own reflection. (So is Uncle Jesse.)This is Zeal. He's trying to help me measure the living room for the proper-sized couch, and keeps shouting "NUTS!" every time the measuring tape snaps back on his paws.
They were a Christmas gift from Babs (Mommasita Extraordinaire), and they’re teaching me how to live in the moment and embrace each glass of champagne breath.
Before I go much further, though, I’d like to share with you a scene from this past Christmas Eve, where my father, a Princeton graduate, Doctor of Education and well-respected man about town Dancing with the Stars-watcher, suddenly shouted down the hall to me:
“WHY DO YOU LIKE CHIPMUNKS SO MUCH?”
I could tell immediately that my brother had asked him the question, though that was as much as I could glean.
“BECAUSE THEY’RE SO ADORABLE AND ELUSIVE,” I shouted back immediately. Duh.
“BECAUSE THEY’RE SO ADORABLE AND ELUSIVE,” my father repeated verbatim to my brother, who was not within my line of sight.
…I love my family.
Anyhoo. Zest and Zeal have been busy these past few weeks. Their first order of business, naturally, was to size up this ‘Second Husband‘ they kept hearing so much about:
They unanimously approved.
Their next order of business was to inspect my chocolate stash:
They weren't convinced it was sufficient until they saw the '1-pound' designation.
Then Zest and Zeal decided to take me shopping. I thought they were going to show me the Self Help section of Barnes and Noble, but they had other ideas…
They suggested I start decorating with pieces I could actually use in "day-to-day life."
Holding the massive utensils, the doubt settled in; I began to question their credibility. Not long after the Flatware Fiasco, I got home late one night and stumbled upon this scene:
How cliché.
I gave them a lecture about how I can’t afford a new ceiling fan, but just last night, I returned home to find…
Not my champagne. Anything but the champagne.
I also suspect they’re stealing slap bracelets. And here I thought you could always count on chipmunks.
Ohhhh myyyyyy goodnesssss. That’s how I feel right now, Chipper Chipmunks. Like Kristen Wiig in one of those surprise party skits on Saturday Night Live.
I can’t even stand it.
For anyone stumbling across this blog for the first time, what you’re about to see are some pictures of my adoring fans beloved readers wearing GoGuiltyPleasure slap bracelets. I’m posting the pictures in installments (here’s the first round), based on when they were received.
These photos are going to blow your mind. There’s a bulldog, CHIPMUNKS, an adorable child AND…a big reveal!!! Holy stromboli. I hope you’re sitting down.
#1 – Meet Mickey!
You hear me talk about my bestie, Jenn, now and then, but you’ve never heard about Jenn’s brother’s dog, Mickey, which is a real shame. Mickey knows all about how to embrace the guilty pleasure-ful life. For starters, he dines on gourmet meals and usually gets the best seat in the house. (Sounds like another dog I know…) You’re my hero, Mickey!
He is wearing a BLONDE WIG! In my honor!This is bad(a*s) to the BONE!If you don't think this is amazing, I feel sorry for you.
I know I just said my best friend’s name is Jenn, but The Byronic Man and I are totally B.F.F.s too. It might be that we get along so well because I know where he lives and he has to be nice to me, or maybe it’s simply because he’s just so g.d. hilarious. If you haven’t read his recent post written from the perspective of Gary the bee, stop right now and as soon as you’re done reading MY blog, click here.
Now, if you have been following The Byronic Man’s blog, you know his gravatar (profile image) and blog header photos are mysterious, showing only half of his face. Well, Byronic Man has GIVEN ME PERMISSION to post his ENTIRE, CRACKERJACK KISSER in one slap bracelet photo, and it is QUITE scandalous.
Darla rules my guilty pleasure school. Her blog posts are thoughtful, funny and beautifully written. Darla is also incredibly supportive of her fellow bloggers; back in October, she got my video blogging contest off the ground, and by vlogging about Reese’s peanut butter cups and Golden Girls, she proved that she is the most chipmunky of chipmunks.
Speaking of chipmunks…I’m so excited to share Darla’s ADORABLY AWESOME photos (and captions!)!
I searched high and low for the slap bracelets and was startled to come upon this scene:
Apparently, even those crazy spastic helium-sucking Chipmunks can rock Julie’s fab bracelets:
Looks like wholesome Chipmunk fun...aside from the fact that poor Theodore has been blindfolded and Britney has apparently broken her neck...I managed to steal the bracelets away long enough to put them to good use…Nothing says “Good mornin’! Now wake the hell up!” than coffee, The Beatles and Go Guilty Pleasures!They also make a fantastic baby bottle warmer!Need the latest in fashionable binoculars? Or a trendy way to watch the opera? Look no further than Julie’s versatile slap bracelets!
THANK YOU Jenn (and Jen and Mickey!), Byronic Man and Darla! You can now let your loved ones know you have achieved the coveted Cherub Chipmunk status.
Stay tuned for the next installment!
If you’d like one of these (FREE!) psychedelic wonders, your wish is my command! Email me at JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com!
I’ll be honest. I sensed in my heart of hearts that chipmunks young and old, or in that strange in-between age where you know you should stop making PowerPoint presentations about a certain “Glee” cast member but you just can’t seem to help yourself, and you genuinely wonder if maybe you never really embraced your childhood and you’re a victim of this unstoppable regression and pretty soon you’re going to start sucking your thumb and eating cake while smearing icing all over your face because you think it’ll get a laugh…wait….what was I saying? Oh, right: I knew bringing back slap bracelets was a shoo-in.
So I wasn’t surprised to hear from many of you once I announced my slap bracelet giveaway. After shipping out several dozen, I waited patiently for you to hold up your end of the deal – to send me a picture of you/your loved ones/pets wearing the slap bracelet(s) so I could post it on this very blog.
I was not disappointed. The pictures I’ve gotten so far are…well, you’ll see. I’m going to share the photos in installments, to ensure that you, and your blogs (where applicable), receive the adoration they deserve. To be fair, I’m posting them in the order in which they were received.
After you see this picture, I don’t think I’ll have to say much else to convince you Renee is a true guinea pig chipmunk, but you should also know that Renee is co-author of “Saving the Best for Last” and “Invisible No More,” which you can learn more about here. Not only is she an accomplished writer, but she is funny as all get-out, and much like slap bracelets, her humor transcends age.
Meet Reesees. (Renee was guinea pig-sitting over the holidays!)
I first spotted Peg commenting on The Good Greatsby‘s blog; she was always coming up with captions for his caption contest that were better than mine, as evidenced by her constant ‘winner’ and ‘runner-up’ status. It took me a little while to shove my ego aside and drink the Peg-o-Leg Kool-Aid. After witnessing a lively, and hilarious, competition between Darla and Peg over said caption contest, I poured myself a nice, tall glass. Peg’s blog always makes me laugh out loud. She really understands the power of illustrating a joke, which you need to see for yourself.
Here’s the message that Peg sent along with these fab pictures. Bottoms up!:
The slap bracelets arrived, and were a GODsend over the New Year’s holiday. Here are just some of the things that happened because of them.
1) My normally feeble morning coffee was definitely more robust and richer tasting when I was wearing the bracelet.
2) Its secret powers inbued me with the strength of will needed to tackle the dreaded post-Christmas task of tree put-awaying.
3) When my GPS went out on the highway, the magnetized core of the slap bracelet drew my hand to true north, thereby allowing me to make it to my destination safely.
4) No less than 3 college-age hipsters fought for the privilege of wearing the uber-cool slap bracelets of style.
5) As for my cat, Beeby, well…I won’t lie. She didn’t like them. Her response was something like “get this torture device off me, you sadist!”
So except for Beeby, it was all good. Thank you for saving New Years for the entire Peg-o-leg family!
I am new to Thoughtsy’s blog, but I can tell you right now I am falling in love. For one thing, she currently has a picture of a kitten inside a box of Pop Tarts on her Facebook widget; for another, one of her recent posts was dedicated to dessert-flavored vodka. I am really excited to learn about what else we have in common, and to find out more about her relationship with Kiefer Sutherland.
Thank you SO much, Renee, Peg and Thoughtsy! You have officially been upgraded to Chief Chipmunk status.
And believe me when I say – you are NOT going to want to miss the next installment(s)!
I still have more slap bracelets, so stop schmooping around and email me at JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com!
I don't know why you assume I'm in love...with my new PowerPoint!!!!
Cheerio, Chipmunks!
I’d like to talk to you a little bit about my best friend, Byronic Man. I know we’re best friends because he shares all of his deepest, darkest secrets with me*, and when I’m hysterically laughing at his every blog post, I know he was only so funny just to make me guffaw.
My B.F.F. Byronic Man has even sent me a SCANDALOUS GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet picture that features his ENTIRE, HANDSOME mug – AND HE’S LETTING ME POST IT! You are really going to want to stay tuned for the big reveal. Here’s a sneak peek:
In all seriousness, Byronic Man is one of the funniest, most supportive bloggers I’ve ‘met’ on WordPress. I promise you he is the real-deal, and I hope this personal endorsement on my silly little blog does not detract from his genuine comedy genius.
I’m pretty sure if you don’t subscribe to his blog, your life will remain a dreary, sunless, chipmunk-free march to the grave.
Er, Happy Tuesday!
*He even told me how he really feels about his wife**.
Go Jules Go 