So, I maybe had a little too much to drink the other night, and started having an imaginary conversation with Second Husband, Darren Criss (of “Glee” fame). This is that conversation.
Honestly, I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often.
GO JULES GO: I love you so much. I don’t even care if that makes you uncomfortable.
SECOND HUSBAND: Um…
GO JULES GO: It’s funny you say that. When I was about to molest First Husband, he had a similar reaction.
SECOND HUSBAND: Um…
GO JULES GO: Yes! Exactly like that. I was all, “Do you think I’m pretty?” and he was all, “Um…” and I was like, “How would you feel if I did something stupid right now?” and he was like, “Um…” and then I attacked him.
SECOND HUSBAND: Guest…post? Is that like when you fill in for someone on security duty?
GO JULES GO: Ha ha! There is so much I can teach you, Second Husband! Let us start with the rules of plural marriage.
SECOND HUSBAND: I don’t like where this is going.
GO JULES GO: Oh, don’t be coy. You know I saved the best for last.
SECOND HUSBAND: So you’re stopping at two husbands? How am I supposed to believe that?
GO JULES GO: Well, if you’d just grow a handlebar mustache I’d feel a lot better about making this official.
SECOND HUSBAND: I would rock the shiz out of a handlebar mustache.
GO JULES GO: I know you would. And you just said shiz.
SECOND HUSBAND: So?
GO JULES GO: So I love you.
THE END
Who are you having imaginary conversations with?
***SUPER IMPORTANT ALERT THAT YOUR HAPPINESS PROBABLY DEPENDS ON: I’m wrapping up the Go Guilty Pleasures slap bracelet extravaganza, so if you have any unseen slap bracelet pictures, the deadline is THIS WEDNESDAY, JUNE 6th. I hope you’ll send them to me at Julie.Davidoski@yahoo.com. Oh and I think you’re swell. Even if you don’t have a slap bracelet.***
I feel guilty about the lack of pleasures on this blog as of late. Because of personal and professional duties doodies, I haven’t been able to post as regularly as I would like. (Either that will change soon, or I will go Britney Spears circa 2007 on ya’ll.)
No one wants to see this.
I hear your cries. I know. It’s unacceptable. So, to get you through to the next post, I give you your very own…
Guilty Pleasure Survival Kit!
Indulge in these items, and it’ll be like I’m right there with you (hopefully in a slightly uncomfortable way…I love that shirt on you).
1.) More ME
Some things just scream, 'Winner!'
If you haven’t seen my last cinematic masterpiece in celebration of my 1-year blogiversary, you’re dead to me. Watch it! You’ll love it! Critics are calling it, “Um, who are you?” “The best thing since your video before that.” When you’re done watching, check out my archive over there —–>. 132 thought-provoking posts.
I’ll be honest. There are a couple of free hours at night where I could be writing, but vodka and American Idol always wins. (Although, let’s remember this is technically research for me.) Be a boob tube schmoob with me and check out some of my new favorite shows:
If you love Glee and American Idol like your favorite guilty pleasure blogger, you’ve got to give NBC’s new Katherine McPhee-a-palooza a shot. Let’s just forget about Nick Jonas’s guest appearance last week. Suspend your disbelief a little longer.
Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have done it again with this HBO winner starring little person, Warwick Davis. It was touch-and-go for the first episode, but bringing Johnny Depp into episode #2? Genius. Davis’s assistant is also not to be missed.
3.) Second Husband Croaks!
This much cute almost shouldn't be allowed. (Photo Credit: eonline.com)
My beautiful Second Husband, Darren Criss, got to perform with Kermit the Frog for E’s Oscar pre-show last weekend! They sang Rainbow Connection and the result was magical. You can watch the video here.
4.) Tried-and-True Food/Beverage Combos
"Why do birds, suddenly appear..."
I have graciously road-tested the following food combinations for you over the past two weeks. You can enjoy knowing they have the GOGP stamp of approval.
cherry peppers on pizza
chocolate chips mixed into cupcake batter
refried beans and bacon
vodka and Simply grapefruit juice
As a reminder, please indulge recklessly, and whatever you do, DON’T:
use the following words or phrases in casual conversation (and maybe don’t use them ever):
Yesterday Babs and I headed into Manhattan to see Second Husband, Darren Criss, in his Broadway debut: “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” To say I was looking forward to this day is like saying a Friendly’s Reese’s peanut butter cup sundae is ‘just okay.’ After weeks of preparing my Why Polygamy is the Right Choice For You presentation for Second Husband, the day had finally arrived.
I laid out my outfit. The guilty pleasure gods blessed me with an unseasonably warm, sunny Saturday, and I didn’t even need the gloves and jacket vest!
Uncle Jesse is torn, because while he appreciates my exceptional taste, he knows this means I'm leaving him.
I took extra care doing my make-up, and debated waterproof vs. regular mascara. Would seeing Second Husband in the flesh reduce me to tears?
Some decisions are just too important to take lightly.I took my chances with regular mascara. Mostly because it takes whale fat, rubbing alcohol and three to four woodland fairies to get waterproof mascara off.
I then consulted Babs and put my hair in her favorite style.
That perfect "oh I'm trying...but not TOO hard" up-do.
Feeling spiffy, we headed in on the 2:42 train, with the goal of getting to the “How to Succeed” stage door by 4pm. This way, we could hopefully score an autograph from Second Husband after the 2pm matinée performance.
I'm ready for you, Second Husband! And you can't even see my freakin' awesome footwear. (Thanks, Payless! Who knew pleather calf-high boots could be so comfortable?)
Once at the Al Hirschfeld theater stage door, we secured a decent spot on line, right against a barricade.
No one needs to know I'm 29 years old...right?
I chatted up the adorable girl next to me, Christie. She had seen the play the night before, and had come back to try to meet Darren. I told her I only had the Warblers CD for him to sign, and she gave me an extra Playbill! I was thrilled to reciprocate with the latest and greatest in cutting-edge fashion, a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet.
Slap bracelets make friends.
We waited about 45 minutes, and the crowd thickened. Babs and I met another lovely mother-daughter duo, Anne and Molly, who definitely helped the time pass pleasantly. After quickly assessing their chipmunkitude, I covered them in slap bracelets. Interest in my bracelets grew, but I was running out. I had to save one for Second Husband, after all!
Beau Bridges and the female lead, Rose Hemingway, came out to sign autographs. They both graciously acknowledged my “Thank you SO much!” with sweet smiles and eye contact, solidifying my hunch that I could win Second Husband over as easily with my overdone undeniable charm.
Those lips smooch Second Husband Every. Night.
An hour and a half into the wait, I started to get restless, especially because I was late meeting the glorious JM Randolph (of Accidental Stepmom fame) and her husband for dinner. I kept her updated with texts: “Sooo sorry! He’s still not out yet!” She was very understanding. It was Second Husband.
After two hours, my feet were starting to feel the burn and I was ready to do this thing. The jokester security guard suddenly said, “We’re shutting it down!” I thought he was kidding, but watched in disbelief as he started removing all of the barricades. “The cops are shutting it down,” he explained. “There are too many people on the sidewalk.”
Sure, there were probably about 150 of us waiting in a line down the sidewalk, but, but, but… c’mon!! Everyone was being very patient and calm. Sigh. No Second Husband, and me with extra room in my heart.
Not too shabby. By the way, all of the posters featuring Second Husband were already sold out! You go, Darren!
I may not have gotten to meet Second Husband, but I DID get to meet the gorgeous and charming JM Randolph and her HILARIOUS hub. We missed having dinner with them because they had to get back to work, but we had a nice chat and will hopefully get to cash in on a rain check soon.
Babs and I, starving, and more importantly, libation-less, headed down the block to 45th and 9th Ave. to try our luck at Justin Timberlake’s restaurant, Southern Hospitality (he might not be bringing sexy back, but I guess bringing baby back ribs will do for now). The wait time was 45 minutes, but the cute host caught a glimpse of my Playbill, and after I shared the details of my autograph fail, he told us we could eat in the downstairs lounge/bar, if we didn’t mind. We didn’t! We got to eat and drink on a luxurious leather couch, the service was quick (key when you have an 8 o’clock curtain) and the food was very good. The lounge was quickly overrun with twenty-somethings, and suddenly a guy walked in and the group whooped and hollered. We realized we were in the middle of a surprise party. Er….surprise!! We got the check and skidattled.
Everywhere we went, we heard the name ‘Darren Criss.’ New York City seemed to have traded in its cool indifference for superfandom. (I fit right in.) Back at the theater, we made our way to our right orchestra aisle seats and I spotted lots of folks from Darren’s theater company, StarKid.
Joe Walker of StarKid fame sat right in front of us, which meant I got to see two tweens nearly hyperventilate while asking for an autograph.
When Darren descended from the ceiling as a window washer in the opening scene, the crowd went berserk. His StarKid friends/college mates were ecstatic. They grinned wildly and pointed to each other – their friend! On Broadway! It was a treat to witness.
Darren’s performance was hilarious, captivating and exuberant. (I’m being as objective as I can, I swear.) His enthusiasm, combined with the audience’s energy, made the two and a half hour show fly by. (If you read my lukewarm post about seeing the very same play back in April, when Daniel Radcliffe was the star, you know that I’m not always as easily won over.) Darren made the performance seem effortless, the way only great actors can. To think he only had two weeks to rehearse! And yeah, he looked drop-dead, too!
I should mention there’s a whole ‘fight song’ about a rivalry with a school whose mascot is a chipmunk. A chipmunk! I heard Second Husband say chipmunk!!! Babs nudged me so hard I almost landed at the peep show next door.
He was actually smiling throughout the curtain call, but I think in this moment he realized he didn't get a slap bracelet.
We didn’t have the stamina to try to get an autograph after the show, since we weren’t sure Darren would come out (he did…double sigh), but we made the 11:11 train, which was a miracle in and of itself. I lose at least two pounds every time I go into the city. (To see some great pictures of Darren from January 7th that Babs DIDN’T take, click here.)
The night ended with a text from Peppermeister: “How was it? Am I still your ONLY husband?”
Also, I may have laughed harder writing this guest post than during any of my own.
And guess what? My next post is going to follow my in-the-flesh viewing of Second Husband, Darren Criss, in Broadway’s “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”! Provided my “Why Polygamy is the Right Choice for You” presentation doesn’t win him over and we’re not flying to Fiji, that is.
P.S. – Don’t you want a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet? All ya gotta do is e-mail your address to JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com. It’s easier than 1, 2, 3 polishing off a bottle of Korbel by yourself while trying to decide which Home Improvement kid owns the biggest meth lab (how did I miss the reunion last year?!)!
For those of you who’ve sent pictures of your slap bracelets, THANK YOU! I can’t wait to post them. For those of you who haven’t, hoo boy, you have got a lot to live up to! ;o)
Photo credit (before my professional-quality annotation): playbill.com
In preparation for January 7th, when I shall have my opportunity to see Second Husband, Darren Criss, in the flesh (in his Broadway debut: “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying“), I’ve been diligently working on my Why Polygamy is the Right Choice for You presentation. (As a project manager by trade*, I think I have a gift for expressing myself in animated clip art. I’m sure you’ll agree.)
Take a look!
So, what do you think? If you were a brilliant actor with the voice of an angel and a face that could turn a heart of stone to unicorn tears, would this win you over? (Be honest. This is important.)
Who needs g.d. candy canes when you have a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet?
Cheesy Chipmunks, this is one of those rare instances when words escape me. So I’ll let pictures do the talking (click on any to enlarge).
"Second Husband""He just doesn't know it yet."
That is a deck of cards next to the Reese's. 1/2-lb. Reese's cups, people!!!! A Christmas miracle.
A breathalyzer. That Babs has a real sense of humor.I've decided to branch out from side ponies.I made this image with my new MS Office Suite PowerPoint!!! Sigh. Happiness = clip art.
P.S. – The pictures from Uncle Jesse’s photo shoot have arrived, AND I’m almost done with my “Why Polygamy is the Right Choice For You” presentation for Second Husband – couldn’t you just pee from excitement?!
This post came very close to being a review of the Yule Log offerings on Comcast OnDemand (Yule Dogs?! Hello! Awesome!). But really all I want to say is: I hope you have a very Merry Christmas! May it be filled with peace, laughter and love spiked egg nog, cold hard cash, and the satisfaction of looking better than all of your relatives.
My gift to you me? Why, a magical Christmas combo: my favorite holiday song, sung by the one and only, Second Husband:
Chipmunks, I… I can’t even… I mean it’s just so… Deep breath. Okay. I’m having trouble typing because of THIS ARTICLE.
Have mercy!
Second Husband (Darren Criss) + People’s Sexiest Man Alive photo shoot = eating peanut butter cups and drinking champagne on a cloud while watching Glee and having someone tell me I’m perfect.
Here’s a sneak peek:
Clearly the guilty pleasure gods wish to appease me.
He looks like Eric from The Little Mermaid*. Or, you know, like every dream come true.
I am going to have to add a new bullet point to my “Why Polygamy is the Right Choice for You” presentation (if you think this presentation is just a figment of my imagination, you don’t know me very well): You can be the pretty one in the relationship. Pinky swear.
All right. I think I can move on now, to what this post was originally supposed to be about (oops).
I saw Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 this weekend (I’ll give you a moment to recover from the shock). I thought it was a lot more carefully done than Eclipse and I always enjoy seeing my favorite books come to life on the silver screen. I especially loved the wedding speeches and the closing shot.
I have a whole new set of ideas for my second wedding now. Photo credit: twilightnewssite.com
What did you think of Breaking Dawn?! (Feel free to ignore this question to comment instead about how much joy I will bring to Second Husband’s abs life.)
*I spent a considerable amount of time coming up with Little Mermaid puns for this paragraph, and then thought better of it…until this footnote. Here’s my favorite:
Once upon a time, Mother Nature had a stroke and decided New Jersey was getting off too easy. Sure, sure, there’s tolls on the highways and you can’t bring beer on the beach, but…no scorpions! So, she threw us a heaping scoop of hurricane with a sprinkling of tornado. Nah, she thought, still not cutting it. I know!Earthquake! That seemed to satisfy her for a while, but when October 29th rolled around, she was restless again.
Mother Nature decided she’d start with a smattering of snow. Odd, I thought, but pretty.
Who doesn't like a Christmas tree farm dusted with snow?
Then…BAM!
FULL-ON SNOW STORM!
By the way, that ‘bam’ was the sound of every tree in New Jersey falling on every power line. As the most densely populated state in the U.S., that’s a lot of power lines. The snow was too heavy and the leaves too plentiful; giant branches bowed and then broke.
We weren’t anticipating a true storm (there’s no storm like it on record [for October] since the Civil War), so when it really started coming down and we lost power at 1 o’clock last Saturday afternoon, we headed out in search of a generator and bottled water (we have a well that doesn’t work when we lose power).
We encountered 5 power lines down in under an hour...which is how long it took us to go 6 miles.
We got the last generator, and it was enough to power the fridge. Not the heat or the water. So we waited in the dark. And waited and waited. We blanched at the news that 95% of New Jersey Central Power and Light’s customers would have power restored by the following Thursday, the remaining 5% on Friday. By Thursday?! That was 6 full days away! We had needs! …Like showering for work.
Guess who was in the 5%? Yup. That’s right. 7 days of flushing the toilet with melted snow and creek water later…
I’M BACK!
Of course, I have to return with a bang, so for your viewing pleasure…
Uncle Jesse in costume!!!
I'm not sure he grasps what a privilege it is to be a chipmunk.
There are many like-minded souls out there, which fills my guilty pleasure heart to the brim. For example, I discovered via Twitter that last Halloween Second Husband bought a squirrel costume from Target for his brother’s dog:
He's carrying an acorn! OMG. (Click on picture for photo credit, but only if you dare.)
Annnnnd this is why Second Husband is about to get upgraded to Soul Mate status. I mean, a squirrel is almost a chipmunk. Does anyone else see interwoven destiny here? …No? Pssh. See if I try to pawn off my leftover candy corn on you this year.
I love love. Even as a teenager with braces, extra chins and a permanent seat at the ‘Geek Table,’ I couldn’t get enough of Valentine’s Day. While others lucky enough to have a valentine would grumble and groan about the commercial nature of the holiday, I couldn’t find a single reason not to embrace a day that celebrated love. Not just romantic love, but love for family and friends, too.
It’s far from February, but there are lots of lovey dovey vibes out there this weekend that were just too wonderful not to share with you sweet little chipmunks.
There are so many things I love about The Byronic Man’s latest post – I’m sure you’ll understand as soon as you read it.
My cousin recently shared this fantastic video on YouTube (Fran & Marlo Cowan, married 62 years, playing an impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic):
And for some real guilty pleasure love, I discovered this weekend that Second Husband participated in a Funny or Die LOLCat skit (as the voice of Leopold in “Life of Leopold”). You can watch it here. …Sigh. Isn’t he so smart and funny and dreamy, even (especially?) with whiskers?
Go Jules Go 