humor

Women Who Drink Tea…And Me.

“And then at night I usually have…”

There it was again. Another toned, beautiful, successful woman detailing her daily routine. It always ended the same way.

“…a cup of tea, or hot water with lemon.”

I picture these women in their perfectly matching, unstained leisurewear (“pajamas”? Ha. As if.), long, slender legs tucked easily under their perky bums, one elbow draped over the arm of a modern yet cozy Pottery Barn sofa.

And of course the couch is white. Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

The 2.5 children and Golden Retriever are nestled in bed, and her tall, square-jawed husband kisses the top of her subtly highlighted head before settling in at the other end of the couch, adjusting the glasses that somehow turn him from Jude Law into even sexier Jude Law.

Who’s with me?

On a particularly rough day, Tea Lady still pours her herbal tonic, but instead of picking up the latest [insert impressively topical author here], she turns to Jude Law and says,

“Babe, want to watch a rom-com tonight?”

In my mind, these are The Women Who Drink Tea at Night.

Where are all the Women Who Drink (Too Much) Wine at Night? Are they, like me, wise enough to sign off of social media and devote their attention solely to Netflix and the contents of their freezers?

Second dinner is served.

In a year that’s felt like someone took an adult coloring book and started scribbling WAY the hell outside the lines -and not in a cute, “Oh, look how creative Johnny is!” but more, “Oh, f!&#, we’re gonna have to get this kid tested” kind of way- I’ve decided to make 2020’s pit of despair all about me.

I’m a privileged white woman. With a blog. And a YouTube channel. What did you expect? (Please ignore the lettuce. I have no idea how that got there.)

As each month passes and some new, unimaginable tragedy strikes, I sink a little deeper into the hungry jaws of helplessness. In the absence of anything certain, my anxiety fills the gaps with Worst Case prophecies. In this dark space of unknowing, my default setting takes over. Self-doubt and her cousin, self-loathing, seep through the walls of my subconscious, doing that thing they do best.

If only I drank Earl Grey at night.

My favorite dust collectors.

Tea Woman knows what to do. Tea Woman knows how to ward off demons with a good night’s sleep and breakfast smoothies. Tea Woman has all the answers.

If I lost weight. If I started meditating again. If I made another list. If whoever I am now could just become whoever sips tea, these feelings would find their way from “frightening” to “freedom.”

I pour another glass of wine and stare ahead, bleary-eyed. “Captive,” a new Netflix series about hostage victims, flickers onscreen.

I mean… I guess it could be worse.

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What has your 2020 coping strategy looked like? More “Long Island Iced Tea” than Celestial Seasonings finest? …No? Just me?

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Food, PSAs

This Year’s Must See Movie: The Game Changers

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What would you do if you found out there was an action you could take, this very second, that would:

  • Reduce inflammation
  • Improve boners circulation
  • Drastically cut your carbon footprint
  • Save lives
  • Make me very happy?

The Game Changers, a much-anticipated documentary brought to you by some guy you might have heard of, James Cameron, masterfully illustrates just how much a plant-based diet can improve your health – and the health of the planet we share.

Starting today, you can watch this life-altering documentary on Netflix.

 

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Photo credit

Someone asked me, ‘How can you get as strong as an ox without eating any meat?’ And my answer was, ‘Have you ever seen an ox eat meat?'” -Patrik Baboumian, Germany’s strongest man

I was fortunate enough to catch the world premiere of The Game Changers here in Bend, Oregon last month, along with two friends and wonderful humans who worked on the film and live locally. There isn’t a single soul to whom I wouldn’t recommend this movie. It’s entertaining, funny, and chock full of information that will change your life, and our collective future, for the better.

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When I went plant-based back in 2016, not only did my health and recovery time [in athletic pursuits] improve, so did my entire outlook on life.

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Taking actions that align with your values can have that handy little side effect. (After a very serious 10-mile run at Smith Rock State Park last month.)

In fact, I was so moved by what I was learning that I went back to school for a Masters degree in Humane Education, which helped me focus on developing solutions to address human rights, animal rights, and environmental protection.

Excitingly, The Game Changers launch coincides with the continuation of my thesis project, The Vegan Dollar. Now that I’m done with school and settled in my new home, I’m doubling down on my ‘vegan food hack’ video series.

Once James Cameron and Ahhhh-nold have you stoked about your new lifestyle, I hope you’ll come check out some cheap, easy recipes that’ll make plant-based eating a breeze!

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Have you seen The Game Changers? What do you think?

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TV Junkie

Why You Need to Watch Santa Clarita Diet

Wayyyy back in the day, this blog was called Go Guilty Pleasures! Yes, with an exclamation point, because I make it my mission to tell you how you feel about what you’re reading. Back then I waxed poetic about Darren Criss and Justin Timberlake, but eventually I evolved to more mature matters, like eating dog kibble.

Well, old habits die hard, and I’m here to tell you how you should feel about Santa Clarita Diet, the morbid, quirky, irresistible Netflix show starring Drew Barrymore and that guy from Girl Next Door. (…Anyone?) They’re back for season two and I just about puked from excitement.

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If you can get past the puke in episode one, I promise it’s worth it! Photo credit.

This show is filling the Buffy-sized hole in my heart. It is utterly absurd, and yet entirely lovable, with characters who make the most implausible seem as commonplace as eating an entire box of Wheat Thins in one sitting. (…Anyone?) Take, for instance, this dialogue from the beginning of season 2, episode 1:

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INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL – DAY

JOEL (male lead a.k.a. Drew Barrymore’s husband) is inside a mental hospital. He shares a room with CRAZY HOSPITAL PATIENT and decides to come clean about his wife.

JOEL: She’s undead.

CRAZY HOSPITAL PATIENT: Really? How is that going?

JOEL: Honestly? Mixed. She has an intensity I love, but having to find human flesh for her to eat? That’s been hard.

CRAZY HOSPITAL PATIENT: I can’t imagine.

JOEL: We’re realtors, so, killing people and stuffing them in the freezer doesn’t come naturally.

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If you’re reading that cold, I’ve probably convinced you to never watch this show. But guess what? THAT’S EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS SHOW. They make that work.

Chyeah. I know. Catch you on the flip undead side, Chipmunks!

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