You thought this post was going to be about my labradoodle, Uncle Jesse, didn’t you?
Well, you’re wrong. Okay. Half wrong.
Uncle Jesse DID celebrate his 2nd birthday yesterday, after all:
The bow tie is actually real.
I’m pretty sure he’s a contender for Happiest Animal in the World. We got him as a puppy, from an extremely reputable breeder, after doing months of research to find a breed that would be compatible with my husband’s allergies. (I am a huge supporter of animal adoption, which you can read about over on JM Randolph’s amazing blog, Accidental Stepmom.)
Breaking hearts at 9 weeks old. Playa.
When Uncle Jesse licks his lips, sometimes the hair on one side gets a little caught up, and it looks like he’s smirking.
When his mouth is open, the sides of his mouth are upturned, resembling a smile.
All in all, he’s one content-looking pooch.
Dreaming of belly rubs and hot b*tches.
Yup. It would seem Uncle Jesse has the Happiest Animal in the World contest in the bag.
Nay, Chipmunks. My best friend, Jenn, just shared the following link with me (and if this doesn’t prove why we’re sisters from another mister, I don’t know what will):
Most likely you’re still nursing your post-St. Paddy’s day hangover, if I’m to believe those who dialed into NYC’s most popular radio station, Z100, this morning. One woman woke to find her prosthetic leg in a tree, another man discovered himself in bed with his ex-girlfriend…and ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend.
I’m taking all of this to mean that you have the most raging case of the Mondays to date. Me too. Let’s turn these frowns upside-down with a few things that make me grin, giggle and guffaw (in that order), despite the fact that an endless week of fake niceties and spastic colons (thanks, Hoops and YoYo) await.
#1 – Going Bald for Good
Many of you have read that two of my favorite bloggers, Deb (The Monster In Your Closet) and Chris (From the Bungalow), will be shaving their heads this coming Saturday, for St. Baldrick’s Foundation, a childhood cancer charity. For immediate inspiration, head over to their blogs by clicking their names above; I encourage you to offer words of encouragement and/or a donation.
Not much guilty pleasure in that, but there IS guilty pleasure in finding a website that lets you try on Halloween wigs (for free) without leaving the comfort of your home:
Morning, Carl. I'm saving you from talking about your kids at the water cooler. No one wants to hear it.
#2 – Hoops and YoYo Sympathize
Hoops and YoYo are Hallmark’s rock stars. I love them. They sum up what Mondays feel like better than I ever could:
A recent comment from the talented (and hilarious) Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) inspired me to dig up a clip of one of my favorite actors, John Krasinski, doing his marionette man. If this doesn’t make you smile, you have a lot in common with things that don’t smile.
Yesterday, while on my lunch break, I headed to the nearby liquor store to take advantage of their competitive Korbel champagne prices. (What’s it called when you have beer taste on a beer budget?) I wanted to celebrate the positive 2011 performance review I had just earned when I got home that evening. Suddenly, I started laughing. I knew what my next blog post would be about.
You Know You’re a Guilty Pleasure Enthusiast When…
1.) You Start Embellishing Life Events to Make Them a Cause for Celebration, i.e., Champagne
It's THURSDAY! Er, CHEERS!
As it is, I toast to myself every Friday night for making it through another work week, but lately I’ve come up with reasons, mid-week, to celebrate. Last week, it was reaching a significant milestone in a project. The week before that, I celebrated finding delicious, cheap champagne at Trader Joe’s by drinking said champagne.
Next week, I suspect matching socks will earn me some of this liquid happy.
2.) You Have to Give Up Vampire Diaries on Your DVR to Make Room For 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation and American Idol
This was a tough one for me to give up on the DVR, which only allows me to record two shows at once. Unlike my early dismissal of MTV’s Teen Wolf, I’ve been holding out hope for CW’s The Vampire Diaries. Believe it or not, it wasn’t the brooding vampire brothers, but rather side character, Caroline, who really won me over. She’s got layers, people.
Oh Thursday nights, why are you such a cornacopia of television goodness?
3.) Your Co-Workers Laugh at Your Breakfast
I see nothing wrong with the two giant slices of leftover pizza on my desk, thank you very much. Keep it up and tomorrow it will be egg salad.
Something Borrowed. I am completely obsessed. It’s on HBO OnDemand right now, through April 30th (which, incidentally, is my 30th birthday. This movie happens to open with the lead character’s 30th birthday. …I’m seriously starting to see cosmic signs in this. It’s not good. I even downloaded songs from the soundtrack. Intervention? Anyone?).
I’ve bawled my eyes out for a week over this movie. I’m still not sure how I want it to end; somehow the happy ending is also the bittersweet one. To me, it takes the road less traveled, as far as romantic comedies go, and despite its inherent cheesiness, there is something so genuine about the relationships. Kate Hudson executes her female d-bag role perfectly, and Goodwin’s sweetie-pie persona is irresistible. Oh! Oh! They even have a whole bit about a chipmunk (chipmunks are kind of my thing, in case you’re new here)! See what I’m saying about cosmic signs?
And I haven’t even gotten to John Krasinski yet. Suffice it to say, he’s as perfect as a chipmunk eating Dunkaroos.
Like this. Side note: if you search for "chipmunk dunkaroos" on Google image search, my blog is the first thing that pops up. My work here is done.
It’s been there since Christmas. (The slap bracelet, not the champagne. Champagne, as I’m sure you guessed from #1 on this list, has a two-hour lifespan around these parts.)
Are you living the guilty pleasure-ful life? How so? If you’re not sure, would you be willing to try some Dunkaroos?
If that surprises you, it’s probably because you’re one of the millions three who think I’m the spitting image of Katherine Heigl*, and
You can't even tell who's who.
consider me an A-List kind of gal. But you should know I’m more the type to surround myself with greatness, in the hopes that some of it will just rub off.
Celebrity correspondent Ross Mathews is the gay man I never knew I always wanted to be. A kindred. He’s funny, adorable, positive, and living my dream. He knows his pop culture, struggles with his weight, and is living my dream.
I LOVE this guy. Let’s talk about him.
I first heard about 32-year-old Mathews via his long-standing gig over on The Tonight Showwith Jay Leno as Ross the Intern. In 2006, when they paired him with the Crocodile Hunter, the late Steve Irwin, Mathews went viral. It was worth writing this post just for the excuse to watch this video again. I don’t care who you vote for [on American Idol], how you eat your Reese’s peanut butter cups, or what kind of vodka you drink, you will love this:
I was immediately and understandably obsessed after that, and spent many hours watching Mathews’ video blog (“Talky Blog”) on YouTube. His charm and enthusiasm left me in stitches.
On the last day of his internship on The Tonight Show, the head writer told Mathews they wanted to hire him, and sent him off to interview George Clooney on the red carpet. Not too shabby. Since then, Washington state-born Mathews has made appearances as a correspondent for E!, The Insider, and various award shows. He’s had guest spots on Days of Our Lives and was even on VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club.
Wouldn’t he look great in a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet (or eight)?
Recently, Mathews got an offer from E! to write a talk show pilot, produced by Chelsea Handler’s Amazing Productions. I can’t wait! (For a short, hilarious, but risqué interview between Handler and Ross, click here.) And just a couple of weeks ago, Mathews interviewed my Second Husband, Darren Criss, before Criss sang with Kermit the Frog! Sigh. …Double sigh.
I could watch Ross Mathews all day.
Who’s your celebrity soul sister/brother?
*How many strangers have to tell you you look like someone before you can let it go to your head? I already know the answer to how many it takes before you can brag about it on your blog.
He may or may not be enjoying the goodie bags I provided to attendees of my...27th birthday party...at Medieval Times.
Today is my brother’s birthday. I don’t think he reads this blog, but I guess I love him anyway. (He did comment once! Back in July, to let me know he was uncomfortable learning we both want to make-out with Emma Watson.)
My brother’s IQ hovers roughly above the 1.5 billion mark, or more accurately, around the place where he posts pictures like this on his Facebook wall just to confuse me:
Right now he’s wrapping up the last semester of law school, where he’s on a free ride thanks to his disgusting ability to earn perfect scores on all standardized tests, including the LSATs. Though it sounds like we don’t have much in common, whenever I think back on my comedic influences, my brother is there.
Four years my senior, he introduced me to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and DuckTales, which morphed into an Animaniacs obsession. After that, it was repeat viewings of Spaceballs and The Princess Bride (which he could recite in its entirety, with the voices, by the way). We spent countless hours watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, Whose Line is it Anyway? and Amazing Johnathan (who later helped execute my marriage proposal – as part of his show!).
When my brother sent an email to the family saying he wanted “chimichangas and sh*t” for his birthday dinner, my chipmunk heart rejoiced. But just when I thought we were kindred spirits, he sent another email asking us to make donations in his name to WNYC, in lieu of birthday presents.
Because I’d already started gathering gifts Because this guiltless -though typical of him- gesture threw my birthday-loving world off-kilter, I decided to make the donation and then get to work.
In order to make a good balance-restoring gift basket of Guilty Pleasure Wonder for a selfless sibling, you will need:
In order to make a magical balance-restoring gift basket of Guilty Pleasure Wonder for a selfless sibling, you must add:
Shamelessness
…and…
Chocolate-Covered Bacon!!!
Yes, this is a real thing, and yes, it is worth every penny of its somewhat alarming price tag. Vosges makes Mo’s Bacon Bar, which many learned about a few years ago thanks to the all-knowing Oprah. My wise, caring husband bought me a couple of bars a while back, and my life has never been the same. There are tiny bits of crunchy, salty, melt-in-your-mouth bacony goodness ensconced in some of the creamiest, most delicious milk chocolate I’ve ever tasted. It’s euphoric. Go buy some. Now. I’ll wait. (And if Vosges would like to send me any free chocolate for this endorsement, I guess that would be okay with me.)
My brother claims he’s married to Chocolate-Covered Bacon on Facebook (though lately “it’s complicated”). Chocolate-Covered Bacon even has its own Facebook page:
It seemed only fitting that I present him with a tangible representation of his beloved this birthday season:
I do. Oh-hoh yes, I so do.
And just to be sure the guilty pleasure stars were realigned, I made a guilt-ridden family favorite for dessert (double the cream cheese frosting, thank you very much). Guess what kind of cake it is?
Happy birthday, Bryan! May you accept this post as a staggering donation to the Awesomest Sisters of The Universe Foundation.
What’s the coolest birthday present you’ve ever given/gotten?
With an impending tax return about to pad my wallet, I started looking for living room furniture in January. We’d been in our house almost two years, and it seemed high time to replace the folding table with something a tad more permanent.
I started with the basics, leaning towards country cottage meets shabby-chic. A rug, TV and TV stand:
Yes. There WAS a time when I thought those curtains were a good idea.A guilty pleasure house staple.
Then I found out we’d be getting significantly less than I thought we would from Uncle Sam (thanks to Peppermeister‘s new job not taking out the appropriate amount), so I had to switch tactics midstream.
It took weeks of perseverance, but eventually I found this Pottery Barn coffee table on Craigslist for a steal (a steal I tell you! When we went to pick it up, an attractive, somewhat scraggly, 30-something-year-old ginger gentleman was waiting in his garage. He lived in a very posh development on a golf course, but there was an air of deprivation about him. We found out it was his parents’ house, and he was storing the coffee table there because of the extra room. We immediately convinced ourselves the darkest fate had befallen him; either he was the father of Snooki’s unborn child, or he was newly divorced and had to sell his furniture to pay alimony. Our glee at finding such a bargain quickly turned to awkwardness and sympathy. And why yes, thank you, this is my longest parenthetical aside of all time):
Then, I found this end table and lamp from HomeGoods:
I wasn’t sure either of them were working, until, on Sunday, February 12th, I put them to the ultimate test…
Uncle Jesse needs to get a life.
Finally, I handed my phone to Peppermeister and asked him to take a picture of me – to confirm that the living room matched my style champagne. I grinned, glass raised.
Peppermeister fussed with my cell phone for a moment. “Say, ‘Whitney Houston just died!'” he cried.
My grin dropped and I giggled uncertainly. “Wait, what?”
He laughed cackled at my dismay.
“Did she really die?” I asked, laughing in the way people do at funerals and at their boss’s jokes.
“Yes!” he replied, trying to catch my reaction on camera:
On the upside, the final product is delightful:
Except for those chairs. Those chairs have got to go. Too bad I'm out of money.
Do you think I still love my husband? What’s your favorite Whitney Houston song?
I feel guilty about the lack of pleasures on this blog as of late. Because of personal and professional duties doodies, I haven’t been able to post as regularly as I would like. (Either that will change soon, or I will go Britney Spears circa 2007 on ya’ll.)
No one wants to see this.
I hear your cries. I know. It’s unacceptable. So, to get you through to the next post, I give you your very own…
Guilty Pleasure Survival Kit!
Indulge in these items, and it’ll be like I’m right there with you (hopefully in a slightly uncomfortable way…I love that shirt on you).
1.) More ME
Some things just scream, 'Winner!'
If you haven’t seen my last cinematic masterpiece in celebration of my 1-year blogiversary, you’re dead to me. Watch it! You’ll love it! Critics are calling it, “Um, who are you?” “The best thing since your video before that.” When you’re done watching, check out my archive over there —–>. 132 thought-provoking posts.
I’ll be honest. There are a couple of free hours at night where I could be writing, but vodka and American Idol always wins. (Although, let’s remember this is technically research for me.) Be a boob tube schmoob with me and check out some of my new favorite shows:
If you love Glee and American Idol like your favorite guilty pleasure blogger, you’ve got to give NBC’s new Katherine McPhee-a-palooza a shot. Let’s just forget about Nick Jonas’s guest appearance last week. Suspend your disbelief a little longer.
Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have done it again with this HBO winner starring little person, Warwick Davis. It was touch-and-go for the first episode, but bringing Johnny Depp into episode #2? Genius. Davis’s assistant is also not to be missed.
3.) Second Husband Croaks!
This much cute almost shouldn't be allowed. (Photo Credit: eonline.com)
My beautiful Second Husband, Darren Criss, got to perform with Kermit the Frog for E’s Oscar pre-show last weekend! They sang Rainbow Connection and the result was magical. You can watch the video here.
4.) Tried-and-True Food/Beverage Combos
"Why do birds, suddenly appear..."
I have graciously road-tested the following food combinations for you over the past two weeks. You can enjoy knowing they have the GOGP stamp of approval.
cherry peppers on pizza
chocolate chips mixed into cupcake batter
refried beans and bacon
vodka and Simply grapefruit juice
As a reminder, please indulge recklessly, and whatever you do, DON’T:
use the following words or phrases in casual conversation (and maybe don’t use them ever):
I mean I...I just never thought...my range as a, a...guilty pleasure blogger....one who writes solely about guilty pleasures...I mean, well, I...thank you.
A year into this blog, and I find I’m older, wiser simpler, and just a little closer to embracing my inner chipmunk.
Why, it means a favorite guilty pleasure is back (the song, not the sandwich)!
Happy Friday!!!
If you think this post is lame, did you ever consider that I’m busy saving the world preparing my 1-year anniversary post for Feb. 26th?
What’s the hardest thing (food, habit, etc.) you’ve ever had to give up? If you would like me to start eating/doing more of that thing on your behalf during these times of deprivation (for you), please let me know. I live to serve.
"Why do you like Jessica Alba?! Jessica Alba doesn't even like Jessica Alba!!!"
FuseTV’s “Funny or Die presents ‘Billy on the Street’” is one of my new favorite shows guilty pleasures. It’s delicious.
I call it a guilty pleasure because there are plenty of times I feel like I shouldn’t laugh, but of course I do. (“Let’s play ‘Rebecca Black or Black Person?’!” “Are you ready for, ‘Are You Smarter Than A Gay Fifth Grader?’?!?!”)
Here is how host, Billy Eichner, can be summed up best:
?!?!?!?!!?!?
This Upright Citizens Brigade veteran runs around the streets of New York City with all the enthusiasm of a chipmunk inhaling helium, accosting unsuspecting passersby with hilarious pop culture questions. Half the time, there’s no right or wrong answer. Except when it comes to Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep is ALWAYS the right answer.
The fact that Eichner, a New York native (Forest Hills, Queens, to be exact), can get this kind of reaction from jaded Manhattanites delights me, having spent a lot of time among the city’s soulless stares myself. He might seem out of control, but he’s clearly running the show; he thinks on his feet and rarely cracks a smile. “Billy on the Street” is much more about his interactions with people than it is the questions themselves.
Warning: Clip has the F-bomb (twice!). A GoGuiltyPleasures first! Whoa.
As they say, anything goes in New York, and Eichner makes it work for him. This past week, a drunken businessman hovered over a British couple while Eichner tried to quiz them. The couple was clearly uncomfortable with the intoxicated intrusion, but Eichner invited the man into the mix and the result was comedy gold.
The idea for the show was in the works for years, as part of Eichner’s comedy bits. His street interviews were always a big hit, and eventually he tossed up some videos on YouTube in 2010, gaining the interest of many, including Funny or Die, who started airing the show in December.
While doing research for this post (hahaha. No seriously.) I stumbled across this New York Times article. They said everything I wanted to. And more. Only better.
So I’m just going to post some more clips and then go pout. FYI – the show airs Thursdays at 11 p.m. on FuseTV (so put down that stinky old book and find out what channel that is for you here).
Have you seen it? What’s got you laughing lately (besides moi)?
Go Jules Go 