People who know me personally often refer to me as their fashion guru. People who know me via this blog have been blown away by my sultry romance novel book covers. By and large, the world outside my bedroom considers me one of the great style icons of our time.
Wal-Mart didn't even see this coming.
However, inside my bedroom, more specifically, my closet, there are some shameful guilty pleasure secrets.
My wrinkly t-shirt collection.
#1 – Julie Davidoski Cullen
Here's the first fictional high school (from Twilight) I pretend to attend. (Actually, this high school exists, but you know what I mean.)
#2 – Julie van der Geek
Annnd the second fictional high school I pretend to attend. This one is located right near Dawson's Creek.
#3 – Julie Timberfake
Yeah. I was totally part of the local crew for the 2000 'NSync World Tour. ...Not.
#4 – Julie “Team Lame” Davidoski
Tribute to the Jimmy Fallon Twilight/Robert Pattinson skit, Robert is Bothered. (The back says, "Team Fallon.") You don't even want to know how excited I was to get this last Christmas.
#5 – Julie TwiLies
For gym class at the Twilight high school. Oh. The Shame.
Alvin, Theodore, Simon. All my awesome little chipmunks. I don’t even know where to begin.
Since my last post, so many amazing things have happened. I think it’s because the guilty pleasure gods finally realized they have wi-fi, and have subsequently read my blog, and are letting me know they’ve heard me.
I know. My, I mean the gods', best work yet.
(SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE “GLEE” PREMIERE YET! BUT SERIOUSLY. GET ON THAT SHIZ!)
PROOF #2. The Good Greatsby imparted his timeless words of wisdom upon me today.
I plan on putting his advice into action immediately. You can check out the post here.
PROOF #3. I discovered a wickedly funny blog recently: Not Quite Old.
If you haven’t already read Nancy’s blog, head on over now! She was just given a Versatile Blogger Award, but I think she is better suited for the Wear-A-Diaper-Before-You-Read-This-Cause-It’s-That-Funny Blogger Award (though she certainly does show versatility in the subject matter she manages to turn into comedy gold – who knew orphans could be so chuckle-worthy?). In that way we are strikingly similar.
That’s all for now. Don’t forget to say your prayers tonight*.
*I should explain. The guilty pleasure gods are not all about genuflections and formality, if you catch my drift. They prefer you pass out on the couch after eating too many E.L. Fudge cookies, and you really, really need to make sure you leave the TV on. Well, I mean, only if you want to show your true devotion, that is.
I was just scrolling through my Facebook wall (which usually only results in me feeling like a terrible friend/daughter/sister/wife/person…seriously, who can keep track of all this shiz?), and I saw a reminder that 90210 is coming back tomorrow! (Aren’t we so glad they’re actually premiering stuff in early[ish] September again? That October nonsense had to go.)
I don’t know why I love this show as much as I do. It doesn’t make any sense, except that I fell in love with the original series when I was 9, and I guess that did something to me. Actually, it explains a lot.
Has Annie dealt with the demons of her drunk-driving past? Has Dixon finally moved on from his you’re-carrying-my-baby-just-kidding ex-girlfriend? Will Silver go off her meds again? So many questions, so little time. I can’t wait.
Scrolling forward on my DVR, I had the purest, most beautiful-est GOGP moment of all time.
This almost replaces vodka. Almost.
Oh yes, chipmunks. It. Is. ON.
What show(s) are you frothing at the mouth for?? Any new ones (tomorrow night is going to be a good one for me – Ms. Buffy herself comes back to the small screen in “Ringer“!)?
I don’t usually do this (except the one time I did, when I was 9 and in love with Neil Patrick Harris. And by the way, he totally sent an autographed black-and-white headshot in return. And I still kind of love him. A lot. I wish I knew where that picture was. I hope I didn’t throw it out when Elijah Wood stole my heart), but I had to tell you how I feel.
You used to scare me, Ryan Murphy. You’re very intimidating, and I’m very not. I thought you might be another Simon Cowell, except without the creepy winking, deep V’s and fondness for female models. But now “The Glee Project” is over and I find myself empty inside. You really cared about those kids; heck, you even let most of them win. What’s more, you recently told Perez
I see through this prickly exterior, Ryan Murphy, right into your little gummy bear heart. Photo credit: movieline.com
Hilton you’d write him into an episode “Glee” whenever he wanted. These are not the actions of a scary writer/television producer.
These contestants touched you. I saw it when you’d let a smile pass your lips; your eyes would
definitely twinkle a little. I liked the way you talked about who you could write for and why. I want to hear more. I want to know you, Ryan Murphy.
Also, if you could please tell Darren Criss there’s a 29-year-old, married project manager from New Jersey who may or may not have green hair who’s wondering why he hasn’t returned any of her calls, that would be great. Thanks, Ryan.
On Sunday night “The Glee Project” announced their winner, and I soooo nailed it – the guy with the dreads (Samuel) won! In a delightful everyone’s-a-winner twist, though, they also gave the Irish kid (Damian) a 7-episode contract, and both runners-up (Alex and Lindsay) will be appearing in 2 episodes! Like I wasn’t pumped enough for Season 3.
And the winner is…all of us. Photo credit: avclub.com
I actually had such a downer post ready to go up today (let’s just say a disturbing episode of “Restaurant Impossible” made me worry I’m one night of boob tubing and two vodka tonics away from being Kevin Spacey’s new ‘sloth’ victim [side note: isn’t “Se7en” the best scary movie ever?]). But then the skies parted and my little guilty pleasure guardian angels flew down and typed “Darren Criss” into my Google search engine (they really LOVE to do that). Which led me to…
A Darren Criss flash mob! (Done at a Chicago fair where Darren recently performed.) Sure, it’s amateurish, and goes on a little too long, but aren’t they cute? It lifted my spirits, and I hope it does the same for you!
Darren later tweeted that he could finally cross “witness a flash mob dance to your songs” off of his bucket list. People are always surprised to hear I have a bucket list, but doesn’t everyone? What’s that one water sport you’ve always wanted to try, or that one country/state you’ve always wanted to visit? See, ta da, bucket list started!
Here are a mere few of my bucket list items – I even included some I’ve already done to show you that guilty pleasure dreams really do come true (as if this post wasn’t proof enough!):
Get a book published (and subsequently become besties with Stephenie Meyer and J.K. Rowling)
Buy a baby grand piano and perform for my imaginary fans (and possibly film and share the evidence)
Make Darren Criss my second husband
Mr. gojulesgo the second. Let's pretend I took this picture right before he proposed. To throw off his rabid fans, though, I shall give "photo credit" to: teen.com
My SIL (sister-in-law) is great. Smart, loving, responsible. She’s one of my top go-to gals – she can help a sister out with just about anything. But she does have one flaw, and that flaw sounds a lot like the theme song to “7th Heaven.” Do you guys remember that show? I do, unfortunately. Yesterday, SIL reminded me of this nightmare with a nostalgic Facebook post. A dull shudder ran down my spine instantly when I saw this picture:
"When I see their happy faces, smiling back at me"...I'm afraid. Very afraid. Photo credit: cbs.com.
I told SIL I could handle Hugh Hefner, but Eric Camden was another matter. Seriously. Remember all those icky storylines where he’d counsel someone from his church in a far too intrusive way? I think pamphlets were involved, or at least I always imagined they were. And there’d constantly be uncomfortable sexual innuendo with his wife. Let’s not forget, Aaron Spelling was behind this 11-year-long (!!!) trainwreck, so I really don’t think I’m imagining things.
I concluded with SIL, via Facebook, that they were definitely keeping extra, unseen children in the basement of that huge white house of theirs. After the conversation, though, I still felt unsatisfied. I needed to prove -perhaps only to myself- just how inappropriate this show really was. And so after half-assed extensive research, I now present to you…
The Top 3 Most Ridiculous “7th Heaven” Moments*
*that I could find on YouTube
#1 – A Heavenly Arsenal
#2 – Read Between the Lines, Mom
#3 – This is Uncomfortable. Er, PERIOD.
And now, just for fun (I like to imagine they’re saying, “Puh-leeeeeeease noooooooo. Make it stooooop!”):
Guilty pleasure bubbykins, I know it’s been a few days since my last post, but get ready for me to make it up to you!! That’s right. Simply follow these 4 easy steps and you’ll be GOGP-ing in no time.
On Friday morning, thanks to a colleague, I discovered my Project Management Professional (PMP) certification test scores were higher than I thought. I wasn’t particularly keen on being called “moderately proficient” in all 6 test areas, but as it turns out, even scoring “below proficient” on some sections earns you a passing grade. Man. I don’t even know how I keep my head up with all these brains inside it.
On Friday I was also exposed to this brilliant GaGa performance, thanks to Hubster’s Howard Stern-listening ways:
Step #2: Throw caution (and your dog’s leash) to the wind and loudly sing Bruno Mars songs in the woods.
On Saturday morning, we welcomed a gloriously sunny, 80-degree day here in western New Jersey, so the fam went for a hike in the Round Valley reservoir area. Why is that a guilty pleasure, you ask? Because, aside from belting out “The Lazy Song“, we let the dog off his leash for the whole 4 miles (shhh)! Who’s a good boy? Uncle Jesse is, yes he is! Look at these little tree huggers:
I really hope my very first stalker sees this and uses it to figure out how to find me on a fair-weather weekend.
Step #3: Do anything that requires you to wear glasses like these:
Photo credit: istockanalyst.com
As for my Saturday evening guilty pleasure activity, it looks like not many of you were as interested as me in seeing the Glee 3D Concert movie, which is supposedly playing for
Work it, girl! (Photo credit: pansophiatree.tumblr.com)
only 2 weeks. Babs, my sister and I were 3 out of only 10 people in the theater. I won’t hold it against you, though, because it isn’t nearly as cool as seeing the concert live in the flesh (they filmed the 3D movie during one of the New Jersey concerts; sadly, not the one I attended). They had some touching ‘underdog’ storylines rolling between songs, but it really was a concert movie, and it’s just not all that fun to sit still and watch a concert, even on the big screen in 3D.
The best part of the concert (aside from any moment featuring Blaine [Darren Criss]) was Brittany (Heather Morris) performing Britney Spears‘ “I’m a Slave 4 U.” That girl can dance! (Sorry, I couldn’t find any quality concert clips of this on YouTube.) Mercedes (Amber Riley) singing one of my favorite Aretha songs (“Ain’t No Way”) was goosebump-inducing, too. Those kids are nauseatingly talented. Can’t wait for Season 3 of “Glee” (airs Wednesday, Sep. 21st on FOX)!
Step #4: Drink [heavily] and practice saying, “The pee-pee does the picking.”
On Sunday, all the rain that was ever in the sky decided to fall at once, giving me the perfect excuse to stay inside and do nothing (though it did put a damper on previous ‘mini swim party’ plans I was looking forward to). If drinking vodka tonics and watching reruns of my new favorite show, “Millionaire Matchmaker“, counts as nothing, that is. And I kind of like to think of it as conducting research for you fine people. I may write a post dedicated to this startlingly amazing show, but in the meantime, tune into Bravo since they’re airing marathons practically ’round the clock. If you hate the matchmaker (Patti Stanger) for the first 5 minutes, beware. So did I.
I know I’m supposed to be your guilty pleasure goddess, right? And at this point you rely on me as something of animmoral compass – as long as I continue to go off the guilty pleasure deep end, you can rationalize your own guilty pleasures, right?
I was afraid that.
Because I have a confession to make.
Arg. Look at me, I'm acting so scary. Arg. Photo credit: tvworthwatching.com
You know how MTV started airing a new show, Teen Wolf, this summer? And how it has everything I normally geek out over, guilty pleasure-style (teens with little adult supervision, werewolves, leather jackets…)? Well…
I kinda…sorta…
DON’T LIKE IT! I’m sorry! I know. What’s wrong with me?? It just sits in my DVR, taunting me. Is it the terrible acting on the part of the male lead (the teen wolf)? Does it take itself too seriously? Or is it just that Buffy (my all-time favorite show ever ever ever) set the bar too high?
On the flip side, I LOVE MTV’s other new summer show, Awkward. It fills a little bit of the hole My Life as Liz and My So-Called Life left behind. The one negative is that it’s only 30 minutes long.
Food shows! First, it was Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel, where Zimmern suddenly dropped into his monologue that he was homeless for a year. With no explanation.
And now? The same thing happened on Extreme Chef (Food Network) last week! One of the contestants casually mentioned in his voiceover, as I watched him run inside an ice warehouse for a rabbit carcass, that he had been homeless. Once again, no explanation. My husband looked at me and waited. I was already gesturing aggressively towards the T.V.
“Again?” I cried.
“I know! You should write about it,” he replied enthusiastically. “That is weird.”
“Is it a chef thing?” we wondered. Is that why they don’t mind the 100-degree kitchen and unreasonable hours? And why they always want to be surrounded by food? Any food?
Of course, this also had me going back through life’s little gems so I could provide you with a new list of conversation bombs. Yes, these are all things people have actually said to me. Give a girl some warning, wouldja?
“You have really huge pupils.”
“You don’t have to go home for Father’s Day. I can find you some fathers.”
“I like all kinds of houses. Except bi-levels.” (I live in a bi-level.)
“It’s a good thing you lost weight. A girl your age shouldn’t be fat.”
“We bought a pet scorpion.”
“New York City. Where is that?”
And a special guest contribution from my hubster, Peppermeister – a conversation he had at work [with a fellow teacher] some years ago:
Ms. Teacher: Do you know anyone who wants a dog?
Peppermeister: No, why? Are you getting rid of your dog?
Ms. Teacher: Yeah. My husband’s leaving me, and taking the house, and the apartment I’m living in doesn’t allow pets.
Because I love this stuff! I’m obsessed with the Playboy mansion. I’ve seen every episode of “The Girls Next Door” at least once. It’s strange though, you see, because I’m the real girl next door. The giggly, innocent one who’s made so many fashion mistakes Anna Wintour would stroke out, and had so many embarrassing moments it’s a wonder MTV never got ahold of me for a primetime show. But also the one who’s occasionally stepped outside of her shell long enough to sober-sing karaoke (“Walkaway Joe” by Trisha Yearwood, in case you were wondering) and make the first move on the boy she was (is!) in love with.
The Hef. Photo credit: muinvestmentclub.com
So what is it about The Hef and his bevy of beautiful bombshells that draws me in? Is it just because I’m fascinated with the Grand Canyon-sized gap between my life and this one? Probably. And also because I love men that love women.Hugh Hefner loves women. I mean, really loves them. He’s smart, funny, charming and successful and does it all without being smarmy. My favorite kind of man. He pulls it off like only the great ones can!
Luckily for me, I’ve got one of the great ones, and I can sit back and enjoy these shows for the entertainment that they are.
What do you think of Hugh and the Playboy mansion? Does it gross you out? And if it does, do you still watch?
How ’bout Trisha Yearwood (I love her too, by the way)? Any good karaoke stories??
Go Jules Go 