Author: Go Jules Go

I heard you like to laugh. At my expense. Sounds like you're ready to take our friendship to the next level. You won't be disappointed. I swear on teeny, tiny baby chipmunks.
Giveaway Junkie

And zee Winner of zee July ‘Stache Glasses Giveaway EEZ…

Go Jules Go

Holy stromboli with a side of awesomesauce, Chipmunks!

Your entries for the July round were even more hilarious than the first ‘stache glasses giveaway entries; I’ve been laughing nonstop since Monday morning.

You are so great. Every single one was wonderful.

While there can only be one winner this month, remember this won’t be your last chance to smash out with your ‘stache out. (Yeah, that doesn’t work, does it?)

In the end, it came down to two, but alas, my budget forced me to pick just one. Je regrette, Kate; your Tom Hanks entry was truly inspired and put you in the top two!

Which means the winner of the July ‘stache glasses giveaway is…

chimidongha!

Chimidongha’s (a.k.a. AlexhA’s) Entry:

After thinking about this long and hard, and assuming that Dumbledore is out of the question, I’d have to go with Napoleon. No, not Dynamite– Bonaparte!

First of all, with a name like Bone-a-party, it’s pretty much implied that you’re going to have an amazing time hanging out with this guy. Second, he was already exiled to an island, so surely he must know his way around it. Third, he was pretty much the Capt. James Kirk equivalent of the French army, which tells me two things: 1) he will have no problem protecting me from rabid monkeys, acid rain, fireballs, or whatever else Katniss and Peeta faced and 2) he is allegedly chivalrous. And no lady can resist a man in uniform. Lastly, he’s French. And if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the French worship wine. I’m an enologist at a French-style winery in Napa (nbd). By the transitive property, he will thus worship me.

I even wikipedia-ed a photo of him.

I’m not sure what all that “hand under the shirt” business is, but I’m going to venture a guess and say it’s the ancestor of the now-abundant “weird angle in a dirty mirror” type Myspace photo, so… 200 years ago, I’m sure this would’ve gotten my ovaries quivering.

For the record, Dumbledore would have been both acceptable and wonderful, though with speaker7 planning to bring Voldemort to her island, things could have gotten ugly.

Alexha, not only do you get the coolest fashion accessory since slap bracelets, you get to see how your deserted island adventure unfolds (and please forgive the liberal use of your beautiful, and conveniently beach-y, gravatar image)…

 

Congratulations, Alexha! Email me your address and your ‘stache glasses of choice, and get ready to become the fly-est chipmunk in the forest!

Chipmunks, thank you for once again proving that I know THE BEST peeps in and outside of the blogosphere! Next contest, mid-August!

Just For Fun

What in the Who in the How is Going On?

Go Jules Go

Oh man.

Something strange is going on here at Go Byronic, I mean, Go Jules, I mean…I don’t even know anymore.

Up is down, black is white, left is left (you’ll get that in a minute).

It feels wrong, yet oh so right.

Want to know what’s causing all of the confusiON?

Click here to find out:

P.S. – If you think I’m a lousy sensationalist, you’re right. I’m THE LOUSIEST SENSATIONALIST WHO HAS EVER LIVED!

Blonde Moments, Chipmunks Forever, PSAs

DOH!

Go Jules Go

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Chipmunks.

I’m losing it. (Louise, expect a call any day now.)

Help me.

The proof is in this post, a.k.a., The Worst Post Ever.

Last night, I got a magical email from someone regarding evidence that a Mini Me exists in this otherwise colorless, desolate, mustache-deprived world.

For the first time since I saw this, I felt complete.

And yet.

Somehow.

I don’t know how it happened, except I think I do, and it involves vodka-soaked cherries.

I deleted the email! Or I must have, because it’s no where to be found. (Thank my lucky Chipmunks Peppermeister saw it before it disappeared, otherwise I would think I made the whole thing up.) I checked every folder, and my phone, then every folder again, then wept into my coffee, then wrote this post, to:

1) Ask the mother of the most awesome child in the universe if she can kindly resend the email to the biggest nincompoop on the planet, and,

But then there is the more fun.

2) Warn you. Everything they say about blondes is true, especially Clairol-enhanced blondes like me. Expect posts about purses that double as dog carriers and/or alien abductions any day now.

Don’t be a cotton-headed ninnymuggins like me and forget to enter the latest mustache glasses giveaway (deadline: Thursday, July 19, 2012, 12pm EST)!

P.S. – You guys are seriously like adorable, little, chubby-cheeked miracles. My comments and inbox are alight with your splendor. So much so that I think I must launch a weekly feature for the rest of the summer to prove it. Stay tuned. Heck, it can only go up from here.

Photo credit (chipmunk)

Chipmunks Forever, Giveaway Junkie, Just For Fun

July ‘Stache Glasses Giveaway!

Go Jules Go
There’s no stopping this much awesome.

Ch-ch-ch Chia Pets Chipmunks!

It’s official. I’m addicted to giveaways. I had so much fun with last month’s mustache glasses giveaway, that I’m planning to do this on the regular!

So.

If you’re interested, entering is as easy as falling in love with a second spouse:

In the comments section below, tell me what one famous person, dead or alive, you’d like trapped on a deserted island with you (and why).

I’ll  choose a favorite and make their wildest dreams come true on Friday, July 20, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses (by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs.

Don’t think that’s amazing?

Just ask last month’s winner, Louise, from dearchristiancounselor!

“I am now happily communing with the chipmunks! Sometimes it helps to go incognito. All the chirping and twitching can make me feel a little NUTS.”

I know. She’s great.

Deadline: 12pm noon EST, Thursday, July 19, 2012.

Print that’s as fine as some people think Channing Tatum is, but, really? What kind of relationship could you possibly have? Especially if he’s at the gym all day? And can he play the guitar or sing? I don’t think so! Get off my deserted island, Abs McIsActingReallyYourCalling! (Please refer to Second Husband and his nerdy tweets to understand my trapped-on-a-deserted-island tastes.) 

Oh right, the Fine Print: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to enter, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.

As a reminder, I am no way affiliated with this company (SunStaches). I’m just a giveaway junkie. Hey now. You just leave the judging to me.

And I judge that I love you.

I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now, Just For Fun

A Very Byronic Birthday!

Go Jules Go

I’m so excited right now, I don’t know whether to pee or squee. Wait. Do chipmunks squee? I mean I know they pee, and they give really sh*tty advice, for sure, but I guess there’s still so much I don’t know about them…where was I going with this? Oh, right:

Today is The Byronic Man‘s birthday!

You probably didn’t know that, because let’s face it, your blogger-stalking skills are just not what they ought to be. That’s where I come in.

(If you *gasp, sputter, gadzooks!* don’t know The Byronic Man, please stop everything you’re doing, tell your boss/spouse/kids/plants/Jeremiah your new garden bull frog [oh, just me?] you’re suffering from a happiness-threatening giggle deficit, and head over to his blog. You won’t be sorry. Oh and hey, while you’re there, maybe vote for me in his latest Question of the Week contest.)

B-Man and I, well, we’re like peanut butter and jelly chocolate, Balki and Larry, slap bracelets and martinis. We’ve been yucking it up for about a year now, united by our love of being awesome, adorable and more awesome the silly. From talking animals to dental hygiene to spicy food, there’s little we don’t agree on. When I read his blog, especially posts like this, somehow, the world makes sense again.

Now, this isn’t just some lame, “Hey man. I heard it was your birthday. Cool. You going out to dinner? Oh that’s nice. Have a good one!” post.

No, no. It’s so much more than that. More like in Harry Potter when they tried to get one of the horcruxes from Bellatrix Lestrange’s safe at Gringotts and everything kept multiplying. Yeah. More like that.

As far as The Byronic Man’s concerned, I’ve been working with a local printer and cardboard cut-outs are involved. This has been his only other clue:

This is my chance to show B-Man what our BFF-ship means to me. After all, he gave me a prize-winning birthday post back in April.

So, thanks to that very post, and a certain ‘kid photo’ contest I entered in May, I was able to make The Byronic Man…

The Greatest most unsettling Birthday Card of All-Time.

I learned how to do new things in PowerPoint for this.

You’re welcome, B. You. Are. Welcome.

How do you feel about giving/getting birthday surprises?

Blonde Moments, Just For Fun, Uncle Jesse

Does Anyone Know a Good Dog Therapist?

Go Jules Go

I really love fireworks, Chipmunks.

And I was convinced Uncle Jesse, my 2-year-old Australian Labradoodle, would too. After all, he’s not afraid of startling noises; his [human] father has perpetual allergy sneezes and coughs that could wake the dead.

So, brimming with an overconfidence usually reserved for Spring Breakers and Donald Trump’s hairstylist, I headed out on 4th of July with Uncle Jesse and Mr. Sneeze in tow.

Here’s what happened:

Have you ever scarred your own pets or children for life?

Just For Fun, Uncle Jesse

Happy Independence Day!

Go Jules Go

To my fellow Americans, and anyone else who believes in freedom, equality and really, REALLY good barbecue…

Happy Independence Day!

I wasn’t going to post today, but Uncle Jesse had something to tell you:

Any plans for today? How mad are you that we have to go back to work tomorrow (if you don’t, listen, don’t be a snot-bucket and rub it in)?

Lists, TV Junkie, Wipe the Drool

Monday Mash-Up feat. Hot Things

Go Jules Go

First of all, if I seem a little behind on blog reading, remember that I recently succumbed to the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

I consider it my inner goddess-given duty to embrace these endeavors with both Zest and Zeal, so that you may one day be willing to accept your own guilty pleasure spirit.

Me, embracing “Fifty Shades” with life coaches, Zest and Zeal. …What did you think I meant?

Second of all – Jimmy! Yes! It happened! Peppermeister and I saw a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Friday. While I’d hoped to provide you with a picture of Jimmy “Hotter than Christian Grey” Fallon in ‘stache glasses, the NBC knuckleheads had other ideas. Please forgive the mundane photos:

Things that may interest you about the experience:

1.) I’m not special. Click here if you want tickets to a taping. It’s free!

2.) Questlove and his ‘fro Jimmy might be the only celebrity I’ve ever seen who looks bigger in person than on TV. (In a good way. Oh yes.) Seth MacFarlane, of Ted Family Guy fame, looked much thinner. …Am I the only one who thinks Seth MacFarlane is full of secrets?

I’m just saying I think “Stewie” comes from a dark place.

3.) They taped out of order because Blake Lively got “stuck in traffic.” I suspect it was really because she was artfully cutting holes in both her shirt and pants before taking the stage.

It must have taken forever.

4.) Jimmy only talked to the audience once between breaks (to explain #3), but ran through the crowd to shake hands, an end-of-show custom. He was friendly, but takes his job seriously, mouthing cue cards and talking to suits between breaks. Except for that one break where I caught him staring at me. This may be a slight exaggeration.

This is what comes up when I Google Image search “Jimmy Fallon serious.”

And lastly but certainly not leastly, speaking of things that are hot, The Byronic Man [and his weekly contest]! Yeah! That’s right! I said HAWT. Let’s all pause and stare at him!

What a tease.

Oh, and, please vote for me in his current Question of the Week contest, where I’m a finalist for suggesting Forrest Gump would be much improved with the addition of dragons. I know Titanic should win, but as the Fifty Shades series sold 15 million copies, I think we can all agree life is unfair.

(If you’re really not sure I deserve it,  that’s okay. I forgive you. I’ve got next week’s contest in the bag.)

Have I told you how hot YOU’RE looking lately? My. This weather really agrees with you. If I had a Red Room of Pain, you’d so be invited.

Have I missed any guilty pleasures you’ve got going on? Any summer reading recommendations? ‘Fess up, Chipmunks.

P.S. – NOT hot: My blog disappearing from your WordPress Readers and inboxes. I have written a strongly-worded letter to the WordPress overlords, but am still trying to hunt down their address. In the meantime, click here repeatedly to ensure you don’t miss anything. (Or, you know, just assume I try to post 2-3 weekdays/week at 6am EST.)

Photo Credits

Just For Fun, Lists, TV Junkie

Choose Your Own Adventure Friday

Go Jules Go

To protect the innocent devilishly awesome, let’s just say a friend of a friend of a monkey’s uncle knows someone who’s been posting really interesting things on Facebook lately.

Now I know I just talked about the social media ‘over share’ disease in my last post. Normally I have an allergic reaction to my Facebook wall, and simply just try to remember to wish people a happy birthday, but hearing this tale unfold like an episode of 90210, well… I’m riveted.

This FOAFOAFOAMU (Friend Of A Friend Of A Friend Of A Monkey’s Uncle, geesh, try to keep up) has been posting about their newly lavish lifestyle. There are expensive houses (okay, just one. THAT I KNOW OF), vacations, big parties, pricey day trips, you name it. Something new on the daily.

You see, it just doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t add up. I mean, literally. The money. It doesn’t add up. Where is it coming from? My first thought was: Well, they probably just inherited dough from a relative.

Zeal thinks they stole it. Of course he does.

But where’s the fun in that? Here are other options I’ve come up with:

They…

  • founded a covert but obviously successful Mail Order Second Husband business. …Dang. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Score
  • developed a frozen margarita that doesn’t cause brain freeze or bad decisions
  • figured out a way to make cars punch people when they don’t use their blinkers
  • discovered bacon that doesn’t splatter molten hot grease when you fry it
  • invaded Gayle’s mind via her dreams (a la Inception) and got the number to Oprah’s Swiss bank account. The one they were using to pay for their secret wedding and deserted island
  • are murder-for-hire assassins, but that’s not how they made their fortune. While they were hunting down terrorists in really awesome disguises and black leather pants, they stumbled across a fountain of youth in a remote part of the Australian outback, and now sell each drop for anywhere from 100k-1 million, depending on how old rich you are. By the by, did anyone else love the book Tuck Everlasting when they were kids? Why didn’t they make all these awesome books into movies when I was the appropriate age to enjoy them?

I’d keep going, but I’ve got to go catch a train…

…because…

Peppermeister (Husband Numero Uno) and I are going to see a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon!

Now there’s something I didn’t make up today.

Me too, Zest. Me too.

I hope you Chipmunks have a wonderful weekend, full of Facebook fantasies and fascinating friendships. (And alliteration. But I’ve got you covered there. No, no. It’s my pleasure.)

Are you captivated by any particular person’s social media over shares? Tell me everything.

I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now, Uncategorized

Because Therapy is Too Expensive

Go Jules Go

I read a couple of exceptional blog posts yesterday, by two of my favorite writers:

Truth and Cake: Select Truth and Social Media: TMI or Not Enough?

Kristen Lamb: Making Heroes Heroic-Why Flaws are Important

These posts talk about flaws and sharing those flaws, whether they’re the flaws of your fictional characters or yourself. Please don’t mistake this, however, for the social media ‘over share’ disease. The intent behind this movement is to allow yourself (or your characters) to connect on a more real level.

As someone who swims in the memoir genre pool, I’ve stuck to the shallow end a lot. Deliberately so. After reading these wonderful posts, I thought, “You know what? Sure I’m shameless about sharing my silliest guilty pleasures, but I’ve never even used the word sex on my blog, and my memoir’s working title is Virgin!”

Aw cruddy stink nuggets, you’re probably thinking. It’s like someone just told me Danny Tanner is totally raunchy during his stand-up routines.

I know exactly how you feel (c’mon, Bob Saget), and I promise, I won’t get too inappropriate on you. Or too sullen-like-Edward-Cullen.

In Virgin, I wrote about things that made me uncomfortable, that could even get me in some hot water. It’s no Shades of Grey, but it’s not rated G, either. I wanted it to be raw and honest; I’ve never cried harder than I did writing that first draft. I called it Virgin not to sensationalize, but to capture the heart of the story. Being a virgin influenced almost every event the book covered, something I couldn’t have realized until looking back.

Ultimately, I wanted to write the kind of book I love to read.

While I worry I hold my feet too close to the ‘over share’ fire in Virgin (and in this post!), I’m willing to take that risk. I’m Go Jules Go now, and I want to tell you about the ugly awkward stuff, too. Awkward stuff like flaws. Like the flaws below.

That’s right, Chipmunks – here is some major, major ammunition if you ever want to hit me below the belt (like Babs). At least you’ll be prepared if Virgin ever sees the light of day.

I have massive (pun intended) weight issues. I’ve lost and gained over 100 lbs multiple times in my life. I (voluntarily) went on my first diet when I was 9, and it’s been a hot, gooey, cheese-covered mess ever since. Food is my ultimate vice. Speaking of vices…

I worry I drink too much. But that usually goes away after a couple of drinks.

I married my one and only boyfriend. I made the first move. If you don’t think that’s a flaw, well, just know that my chronic singlehood wasn’t for lack of trying, heaven vodka knows. I have enough rejection stories to, well, fill a book. I’m still shocked when the male species says anything nice about me, but…

I think I’m pretty. In clothing. With the right make-up. From the right angle. With good lighting. All of the pictures and videos on this blog are very carefully selected and/or executed to make you think I look a lot better than I do (read: I’m vain). Except for that one time when I was high on those heroin cough suppressants.

I want everyone to like me, and sometimes keep opinions to myself and agree just so they will. But you know what? I don’t like everyone. I don’t like a lot people! (…Did that make you paranoid? I’m sorry; I totally wasn’t talking about you. You still like me, right?)

I used to have panic attacks. I assume they stemmed from either abandonment issues or bullying. Or both. They were so bad I missed a year of middle school, and…

I never went to high school. I got my GED, took the SATs, and went to college, but I never got to wear an embarrassing prom dress still feel very intellectually inferior. Don’t ask me about chemistry unless it’s the kind between Jim and Pam from The Office.

Well there now. Don’t we all feel better? …No? Just me?

Zest and Zeal, my life coaches.

How do you feel about sharing flaws in a public forum (yourself and reading others’)? Do you think it’s necessary for honest writing? If you’re uncomfortable with all of this, who’s your favorite character on The Office (mine’s Jim. Duh.)?

Photo Credit (“It’s all your fault”): stickerchick.com.