To say 2023 was one for the books would be like saying Uncle Jesse is mildly cute.
Uncle Jesse.
The year started with an epic heart break and multiple health scares (to the tune of $7,000 and counting, no less), a trip to the E.R. with my bestie, and sending out 304 job applications, which resulted in six interviews, three job offers, and two recinded job offers (based on last minute organizational changes).
It also involved going out with 36 different men.
And thus, I give you, my 2023 Dating Year in Review (if the embedded video doesn’t play, you can watch it here):
For this year’s Custom Jack-o-Lantern Giveaway Contest, I asked you to describe a FrankenFood – some odd food combo that you invented or sampled. Your submissions were spooktacular. Thank you!
It was a friiiiightfully difficult choice, but the winner is:
I so have this! I invented the best thing ever (still need to get in contact with someone about marketing this) when I was perhaps not low but ____. What you do is take two nacho cheese Doritos, the crumbs are the best for this, and then take a somewhat stale (staleness dependent on preference) chocolate raisin and sandwich it in between the Doritos. Pop it in your mouth and experience heaven. Seriously.
I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Could it possibly be good? I liked Raisinets, and I loved Doritos, but together?
Has there ever been a more polarizing FrankenFood? The overall verdict: WIN! You are my hero, Marta. But I already knew you had impeccable taste, given our shared love of Leonardo DiCaprio.Thus, I present your prize – a custom jack-o-lantern:
STEP 1: DESIGN OVERLY AMBITIOUS PATTERN
STEP 2: RIP GUTS OUT OF PERFECT PUMPKIN
Step 3: Tape Design On Pumpkin While Palms Begin to Sweat
Step 4: transfer design And question everything
Step 5: Tell Yourself, “There’s No Turning Back Now” over and over while shoving Raisinitos in your face
Step 6: Begin to Realize Self-Worth
Step 7: Marvel
Congratulations, Marta! (And seriously. Get on this Raisinito thing, pronto.)
Any burning questions for Babs? Did your parents perform any wizardry when you were growing up?
P.S. – You still have one more week to enter my Custom Jack-o-Lantern Giveaway Contest! It’s so easy and fun you’ll think you did something both easy and fun!
I’m not sure you’ll recognize that today is special, when we shower you with gourmet, organic treats, long walks and hour-long massages. Or when we coo over and over again, ‘He’s a good man. That’s a good man. Who’s the best man?’
Oh. Is this not an appropriate excuse to drink champagne?
But it’s true!
Today’s your 3rd birthday!
Birthday surprises from your BFF, Shunderson!
Already you’ve been with us for 2 years, 9 months and 28 days. Now’s not the time to talk of my guilt over your silver-spooned upbringing, but rather to praise your genetic superiority and extremely reputable entry into this world thanks to your mother’s tireless research and your father’s stubborn allergies.
We named you after John Stamos’ character on Full House because we knew you were destined to be the cool one. And have great hair.
Have mercy.
Here are just a few of the things we love about you, Uncle Jesse:
You fetch your Hot Pocket toy when we sing the jingle (“Ho-ot Pocket!”).
You dry your tongue on our pants after you take a drink.
You have access to your kibble all day, every day, and only eat it when we sit down to dinner; then you nosh lying down.
You help Dad tune the guitar when he gets to the 4th string, every time.
You learned how to do Full House-themed tricks at 9 1/2 weeks old.
(If people don’t believe the last two, they should play thE video!)
Please stop touching me.
If you disapprove of someone’s petting methods, you lick them aggressively to correct the faux paw pas. They mistake this for affection. I’m sorry we blew up your spot, but you do it to us, too, you ungrateful bastard well-bred specimen.
Hello, Ceiling Fan.
Your legs are super long and your paws are incredibly fancy, especially when you tuck them under, or cross them just so.
You’re convinced the bedroom ceiling fan is possessed and/or omnipotent. If it’s been too quiet for too long, or something is otherwise amiss, we catch you staring at it dubiously.
I hope you enjoy this birthday tribute video I made especially for you:
Love,
Your doting and equally adorable mother
~*~*~*~*~*~
So what do you get for the Australian Labradoodle who has everything? Well, you can make like a Shel Silverstein tree, and give. Please join me in helping friend and fellow blogger, Valerie from Nikitaland:
Note: The ad below the Pledge for Pets button is not part of this post.
Now enough with the words and the reading and stuff.
I love you, Chipmunks. Thanks for somehow making year #2 even more awesome than the last.
Bloggers: Do you have a favorite blogging moment (either here or on your own blog)? Bloggers / All: Anything you’d like to see more of on Go Jules Go in the next year?
To help us celebrate this most chipmunkiest of occasions, I’ll randomly choose one commenter to win a pair of ‘stache glasses!
This year, I wanted to kick things up a notch. But where do you go from Second Husband and my favorite holiday tune?
Cue First Husband, Peppermeister. You may recall he’s a musician, and the former guitarist for the awesome reggae band, Echo Movement. He agreed to perform a song for ya’ll, on one condition…
What can we say? Sometimes there are bloggy collaborations (Exhibit A and Exhibit B) too magical to let go not to exploit in the name of holiday fun.
And you’ve GOTTA check out The Byronic Man’s corresponding video blog! Especially because he actually knows what he’s doing when it comes to vlogging. Isn’t he the cat’s pajamas sheet set?
The Rules
Make a card depicting what the holidays really mean to you. You know, the…less-than-pleasant moments or traditions that signal ’tis the season. Maybe it’s hiding in the closet with peppermint schnapps, or your uncle’s drunken conspiracy theories. You tell us.
Use any format you please: a picture, a video, a blog post or drawing. We’ll even consider especially descriptive comments. If you do a blog post, we’ll Tweet it and/or link back on our blogs.
What I’m trying to say is: If your card makes people uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track.
Go Jules Go 